. I pondered as I walked--"

"And the effect was, that you tumbled into a pit, Phil Spruce."

"The truth has been told, gentlemen, but it has been told too soon. And
now I've forgotten where I was. Ay, pondering," here Phil hung up a long
shred of philosophy on one of his pegs; and after the first ten minutes
of his harangue, which was chiefly occupied in abusing human nature, a
fierce-looking individual said,

"Go on, sir; you've brought things to that pass where they won't bear
aggravation. The company expects you to fall down the pit directly."

"In the middle of my reflections--my natural Christmas thoughts,"
continued Phil, "I felt a severe bump on the back and a singular freedom
about my legs, followed by a crash against the hinder part of my head--"

"To the bottom at once," said the fierce-looking man.

"I was at the bottom of a pit in two seconds. By what means my life was
preserved I can not tell; certain it is that I sustained at that time no
serious injury. Of course I was much stunned, and lay for a long time, I
suppose, insensible. When I opened my eyes there was nothing to be seen
more than a faint glimmer from the daylight far above, and a great many
dancing stars which seemed like a swarm of gnats, ready to settle on my
body. I now pondered how I should obtain rescue from my dangerous
position, when an odd circumstance arrested my attention. I was
evidently, unless my ears deceived me, not alone in my misfortune; for I
heard, as distinctly as I now hear Mr. Drum's leg upon the fender, I
heard a loud voice. It proceeded from a distant gallery. 'Who did you
say?' inquired the voice in a hoarse tone; a softer voice replied, 'Phil
Spruce, I think.' 'Very well,' answered the big sound; 'I'll come to him
directly.'

"Here was a state of things. A gentleman resided here and was aware of
my intrusion. Moreover, I was known. Was the acquaintance mutual? Well,
gentlemen, that question was soon to be decided, for presently I heard a
rustling and a crackling noise, like the approaching of a lady in a very
stiff silk dress. But that gruff voice! I trembled. As the sound
approached, a light gleamed over the dark, dirty walls, and glittered in
the puddle upon which I was reposing. 'He or she has brought a candle,
that is wise.' So I looked round. Mother of Miracles! He, she, or IT.
What do you think approached? A mass of cinder, glowing hot, shaped into
head, body, arms, and legs; black coal on the crown of its