which no vulgar soul of them can
understand, that Rupert and his class have dubbed the gallant
gentleman a madman. It fills me with scorn of them. I do not yet know
what love is, therefore of course I cannot fathom its grief; but this
much I know--that if I loved and yet could not reach as high as ever
love may reach both in joy and sorrow, I should despise myself. I,
too, would draw the utmost from life that life can give.

He never even hinted at his love for my mother; speaking of himself
throughout as Rene might, as of her humble devoted servant merely. And
then the question began to gnaw at me. "Did she love him?" and
somehow, I felt as if I could not rest till I knew; and I had it on my
lips twenty times to cry out to him: "I know you loved her: oh! tell
me, did she love you?" And yet I dared no more have done so, and
overstepped the barrier of his gentle, reticent dignity, than I could
have thrust the lighthouse tower down; and I could not think, either,
whether I should be glad to hear that she had loved him, or that she
had not. Not even here, alone with myself, can I answer that question.

But though I respect him because he is as I have found him, and
understand how rare a personality it takes to achieve such refinement
of faithfulness, it seems to me, that to teach this constant lover to
forget the past in the present, would be something worth living
for--something worthy of _me_!

Molly!--What is the meaning of this? You have never before put that
thought in words, even to yourself! But let me be frank, or else what
is the use of this diary?

Looking back to those delightful three days, did not the _thought_
come to me, if not the words? Well, well, it is better, sometimes, I
believe, to let oneself drift, than to try and guide the boat; and I
must hurry back to Scarthey or I shall never have told my story....

How swiftly time had flown by us! I sitting in the arm-chair, with the
old dog's muzzle on my lap, and Sir Adrian standing by his great
chimney; the clock struck twelve, in the midst of the long silence,
and I had thought that barely an hour had passed.

I got up, and, seeing me limp in my attempt to walk, Sir Adrian gave
me his arm; and so we went round the great room _bras dessus_, _bras
dessous_, and it already seemed quite natural to feel like an intimate
friend in that queer dwelling.

We paused a long time in silence by the window, the tempest wind was
still raging, but the sky was cle