might give him some of the same he had
before. I do not remember this; but if I did, it was impossible I
should know that the gruel he had on Tuesday was the same he had on
Monday; as that he drank on Monday was made on Saturday or Sunday, I
believe on Saturday night; much less imagine that she whoever made it,
and managed it as she pleased, would pretend to keep such stale gruel
for her master. Thursday and Friday he came down stairs. I often asked
Mr. Norton, "If he thought him in danger; if he did, I would send for
Dr. Addington." On Saturday Mr. Norton told me, "he thought my father
in danger." I said, "I would send for the doctor;" but he replied, "I
had better ask my father's leave." I bid him speak to my father about
it, which he did; but my father replied, "Stay till to-morrow, and if
I am not better then, send for him." As soon as I was told this, I
said, "That would not satisfy me; I would send immediately, which I
did; and Mr. Norton, the apothecary, attested this in Court." On the
same night, being Saturday, the doctor came, I believe it was near
twelve o'clock. He saw my father, and wrote for him: he did not then
apprehend his case to be desperate. I have been by this gentleman
blamed, for not telling then what I had given my father. I was in
hopes that he would have lived, and that my folly would never have
been known: in order the more effectually to conceal which, the
remainder of the powder I had, the Wednesday before, thrown away, and
burnt Mr. Cranstoun's letter: so I had nothing to evince the innocence
of my intention, and was moreover frightened out of my wits. Let the
good-natured part of the world put themselves in my place, and then
condemn me if they can for this. On Sunday my father said, "He was
better"; but found himself obliged to keep his bed that day. Mr.
Blandy, of Kingston, a relation of ours, came to visit us, stayed with
me to breakfast, and then went to church with Mr. Littleton, my
father's clerk. I went, after they had gone to my father, and found
him seemingly inclined to sleep; so let him, retired into the parlour,
and wrote to Mr. Cranstoun, as I did almost every post. I had, on the
Friday before, a letter from him; wherein some secrets of his family
were disclosed. As I wrote in a hurry, I only advised him to take care
what he wrote; which, as my unhappy affairs turned out, my enemies
dressed up greatly to my disadvantage at my trial. I gave this letter,
as I did all of them, to