fence.

APOSTATE, n. A leech who, having penetrated the shell of a turtle
only to find that the creature has long been dead, deems it expedient
to form a new attachment to a fresh turtle.

APOTHECARY, n. The physician's accomplice, undertaker's benefactor
and grave worm's provider.

When Jove sent blessings to all men that are,
And Mercury conveyed them in a jar,
That friend of tricksters introduced by stealth
Disease for the apothecary's health,
Whose gratitude impelled him to proclaim:
"My deadliest drug shall bear my patron's name!"

G.J.

APPEAL, v.t. In law, to put the dice into the box for another throw.

APPETITE, n. An instinct thoughtfully implanted by Providence as a
solution to the labor question.

APPLAUSE, n. The echo of a platitude.

APRIL FOOL, n. The March fool with another month added to his folly.

ARCHBISHOP, n. An ecclesiastical dignitary one point holier than a
bishop.

If I were a jolly archbishop,
On Fridays I'd eat all the fish up--
Salmon and flounders and smelts;
On other days everything else.

Jodo Rem

ARCHITECT, n. One who drafts a plan of your house, and plans a draft
of your money.

ARDOR, n. The quality that distinguishes love without knowledge.

ARENA, n. In politics, an imaginary rat-pit in which the statesman
wrestles with his record.

ARISTOCRACY, n. Government by the best men. (In this sense the word
is obsolete; so is that kind of government.) Fellows that wear downy
hats and clean shirts--guilty of education and suspected of bank
accounts.

ARMOR, n. The kind of clothing worn by a man whose tailor is a
blacksmith.

ARRAYED, pp. Drawn up and given an orderly disposition, as a rioter
hanged to a lamppost.

ARREST, v.t. Formally to detain one accused of unusualness.

God made the world in six days and was arrested on the seventh.

_The Unauthorized Version_

ARSENIC, n. A kind of cosmetic greatly affected by the ladies, whom
it greatly affects in turn.

"Eat arsenic? Yes, all you get,"
Consenting, he did speak up;
"'Tis better you should eat it, pet,
Than put it in my teacup."

Joel Huck

ART, n. This word has no definition. Its origin is related as
follows by the ingenious Father Gassalasca Jape, S.J.

One day a wag--what would the wretch be at?--
Shifted a letter of the cipher RAT,
And said it was a god's name! Straight arose
Fantastic priests and postulants (with show