uzzle screwed round in her ear."

"Bet she squinted!" said Billy.

If I lose my temper, I can't shoot, and Billy knew that well. "She's up
agin it good and hard," said he.

"Agin what?"

"Making a silk purse out of a sow's ear."

"You lop-eared, mangy, pig-faced, herring-gutted son of a ----"

"From the _Etiquette_?" asked Billy. "I don' think much of you, anyway.
Mother ain't got no use for you either, or any of the neighbors, you old
cow thief!"

Now if Billy talked so big as all that, it must be to astonish his
mother. So she must be at the key-hole, and sure enough I heard her
grind her stump with the backache from stooping down. Happens Mrs. Smith
has a garden squirt which it holds a gallon, so while I kep' young Billy
interested with patches of etiquette, I took off the rose, filled the
squirt, and let drive through the key-hole into the widow's ear. At that
she lifted up her voice and wept.

Feeling better, I resumed the conversation. "Billy," sez I, smooth as
cream, while I filled the squirt, "on the shelf there you'll find a
little small bottle." In my dim way I aimed to get him excited, and
talkative, divulging secrets with all his heart. Then afterward I'd like
him asleep, out of mischief.

"Get your bottle yourself," says he, sort of defiant, so I let drive at
him with the squirt.

"If you please," said I, and he got the bottle all right.

"If you don't mind," said I, "will you just draw the cork?"

"And if I won't?"

I took my squirt and watched him pull the cork.

"Thank you," sez I, seeing how beautiful is the uses of true politeness.
"Now may I trouble you to spill what's left in the bottle into that
there goblet? Now be so kind."

"I refuse!"

The squirt won't scare any more Billy, so I exhibits my gun.

"I regrets to remark, Mr. O'Flynn, that this gun acts sort of sudden."

"Shoot, and you go to jail!"

"But first, my dear young friend, I've time to lop off a few fingers,
one at a time--won't miss them all at once. May I request you to pour
out the medicine? No--not on the floor, please, but into the goblet,
while I observe that your right thumb seems tender after that cut, and
ought to be treated. So, a little more. That's right. Now honor me by
adding a little water from the pitcher. Thank you. Thumb feeling easier?
Well, that there laudanum soothes the fractious infant, and causes a
whole lot of repose. Quite sweet without sugar. Yes, please, you'll lift
the goblet to your m