I could not remember the
circumstances or the incidents cited, and this added to my
unrest. Only a student can understand the absolute wretchedness
which overtakes a man when he finds himself miserably dependent
on a distant library. For several days I gave myself up entirely
to my mental depression, greatly wondering at the perplexing
change in my life, and marvelling that in all my explorations in
philosophy I had not provided for just such a crisis, whatever it
might be. One afternoon as I sat in my room at the tavern,
looking idly out of the window and across the little river which
rippled by, something seemed to strike me violently in the
forehead. It may have been a telepathic suggestion, it may have
been a return to consciousness; at all events it was an idea. I
leaped from my chair, put on my hat, and proceeded rather
feverishly to the Eastmann cottage. Phyllis was away for the day;
Mary was knitting in the sitting-room. I watched her in silence
for a moment, and then I said abruptly:

"Mary, I think I should like to marry Phyllis."

Mary Eastmann was not the type of woman to lose herself or betray
astonishment. She pushed her spectacles sharply above her eyes,
looked at me sternly, and said in a rasping voice.

"John Stanhope, don't be an old fool."

"Whatever I may be, Mary," I answered, much nettled by her tone,
"I do not think anybody can properly regard me as a fool. As for
the other qualification," I went on complacently, "I am not so
old."

"You and Sylvia were the same age, and she would have been
forty-eight."

"A man is as old as he feels," I ventured, finding refuge in a
proverb.

"That is evasive, and has nothing to do with the question.
Beside, what reason have you to believe that Phyllis has the
slightest desire to marry you?"

"Frankly, not the slightest reason in the world," I replied with
the utmost candor. "That is why I have been so bold as to speak
to you on the subject."

"Perhaps you thought I might use my influence to help you
along?"

"Quite the contrary, my dear Mary, I assure you. I may not know
very much about women"--I was quite humble when separated from my
library--"but I do know that nothing is so fatal to a lover's
prospects as the encouragement of the loved one's relations. You
see that I am perfectly frank."

"Then you wish my opposition?"

"Come, let us be reasonable. I have told you I wish to marry
Phyllis. I know my good points, and I am not unacquainted