are beginning to suspect
the value of words, the difficulty of the enigma of the world, the
depths of the abysses of life, to be contented with a few answers
learned by rote to the most mysterious questions! It is cruel, to
compel them either to carelessly cast aside every doubt, in obedience
to the exhortations of a good man, who by virtue of his office is not
permitted to doubt, or the tremendous courage to step forward before a
whole congregation and reveal the inmost depths of their souls!

"The objections I ventured to make during the time of instruction were
all so easily refuted--with the theological self-sufficiency and
supreme wisdom against which there can be no debate, since it refers
every spiritual doubt to the poor hypercritic's conscience, and instead
of any real arguments has only the inscrutable retort: 'we must pray to
God for faith, and he will bestow it.' Is not that like saying that
when I am hungry and ask for bread, I can have an opiate, that I may
forget my wants and dream of full dishes? Thoughts disturb me, and to
escape from their conflict, I must pray for thoughtlessness?

"But they are happy and wish others to have the same joy. If only the
same food satisfied and nourished all!--

"_May_ 10_th_.--I have been driving about the city with Aunt Valentin,
buying all sorts of things. While we were so engaged she took advantage
of the opportunity to labor again at my poor soul, which I thought she
had given up as hopeless. But she really loves me, and therefore does
not weary in constantly directing my attention to what renders her
happy. I said very little in reply. There was so much noise and bustle
in the streets, I had not felt cheerful and gay for so long a time, why
should I spoil my enjoyment of the beautiful sunlight with arguments
and self-defense? But at last, when we were again approaching our
little house, in order not to delude her with false hopes, I remarked
that I certainly greatly needed redemption and often longed for it with
bitter pain. Yet how was I to feel love for a Saviour who did not
answer my questions, did not know my sad thoughts, and stood before me
as a sinless, perfect god-man. The mystical act of dying to rescue
erring humanity has always been incomprehensible to me. Single
beautiful rays of his nature shining through his doctrine might have
warmed me; but I needed not only to be warmed but enlightened, and
besides the wants of the heart, about which I am never u