truth but once, when he had a design in not being believed, so there was
no risk of a lawyer getting truth out of him. No man was ever afflicted
with such convenient maladies as Phelim; even his sprains, tooth-aches,
and colics seemed to have entered into the Whiteboy system. But, indeed,
the very diseases in Ireland are seditious. Many a time has a tooth-ache
come in to aid Paddy in obstructing the course of justice; and a colic
been guilty of misprision of treason. Irish deaths, too, are very
disloyal, and frequently at variance with the laws: nor are our births
much better; for although more legitimate than those of our English
neighbors, yet they are in general more illegal. Phelim, in proving his
alibis, proved all these positions. On one occasion, "he slep at
the prisoner's house, and couldn't close his eye with a thief of a
tooth-ache that parsecuted him the whole night;" so, that in consequence
of having the tooth-ache, it was impossible that the prisoner could
leave the house without his knowledge.

Again, the prisoner at the bar could not possibly have shot the
deceased, "bekase Mickey slept that very night at Phelim's, an' Phelim,
bein' ill o' the colic, never slep at all durin' the whole night; an',
by the vartue of his oath, the poor boy couldn't go out o' the house
unknownst to him. If he had, Phelim would a seen him, sure."

Again, "Paddy Cummisky's wife tuck ill of a young one, an' Phelim was
sent for to bring the midwife; but afore he kem to Paddy's, or hard o'
the thing at all, the prisoner, airly in the night, comin' to sit awhile
wid Paddy, went for the midwife instead o' Phelim, an' thin they sot up
an' had a sup in regard of the 'casion; an' the prisoner never left
them at all that night until the next mornin'. An' by the same token,
he remimbered Paddy Cummisky barrin' the door, an' shuttin' the windies,
bekase it's not lucky to have them open, for fraid that the fairies 'ud
throw their _pishthrogues_ upon the young one, an' it not christened."

Phelim was certainly an accomplished youth. As an alibist, however, his
career was, like that of all alibists, a short one. The fact was, that
his face soon became familiar to the court and the lawyers, so that his
name and appearance were ultimately rather hazardous to the cause of his
friends.

Phelim, on other occasions, when summoned as evidence against his
well-wishers or brother Ribbonmen, usually forgot his English, and gave
his testimony by an