helim's. His face
resembled the rough side of a cullender, or, as he was often told in
raillery, "you might grate potatoes on it." The lid of his left eye,
as the reader knows, was like the lid of a salt-box, always closed; and
when he risked a wink with the right, it certainly gave him the look of
a man shutting out the world, and retiring into himself for the purpose
of self-examination. No, no; beauty is in the mind; in the soul;
otherwise Phelim never could have been such a prodigy of comeliness
among the girls. This was the distinction the fair sex drew in his
favor. "Phelim," they would say, "is not purty, but he's very comely.
Bad end to the one of him but would stale a pig off a tether, wid his
winnin' ways." And so he would, too, without much hesitation, for it was
not the first time he had stolen his father's.

From nineteen until the close of his minority, Phelim became a
distinguished man in fairs and markets. He was, in fact, the hero of
the parish; but, unfortunately, he seldom knew on the morning of the
fair-day the name of the party or faction on whose side he was to fight.
This was merely a matter of priority; for whoever happened to give him
the first treat uniformly secured him. The reason of this pliability
on his part was, that Phelim being every person's friend, by his good
nature, was nobody's foe, except for the day. He fought for fun and for
whiskey. When he happened to drub some companion or acquaintance on
the opposite side, he was ever ready to express his regret at the
circumstance, and abused, them heartily for not having treated him
first.

Phelim was also a great Ribbonman; and from the time he became initiated
into the system, his eyes were wonderfully opened to the oppressions of
the country. Sessions, decrees, and warrants he looked upon as I gross
abuses; assizes, too, by which so many of his friends were put to
some inconvenience, he considered as the result of Protestant
Ascendancy--cancers that ought to be cut out of the constitution.
Bailiffs, drivers, tithe-proctors, tax-gatherers, policemen, and
parsons, he thought were vermin that ought to be compelled to emigrate
to a much warmer country than Ireland.

There was no such hand in the county as Phelim at an alibi. Just give
him the outline--a few leading particulars of the fact--and he would
work wonders. One would think, indeed, that he had been born for that
especial purpose; for, as he was never known to utter a syllable of