me. This is all wrong. As Mr. Garvin well points out, it is important
that we should not have a false perspective of the War. Let me, then,
make it perfectly plain--I am a Second Lieutenant.

When I first became a Second Lieutenant I was rather proud. I was a
Second Lieutenant "on probation." On my right sleeve I wore a single
star. So:

*

(on probation, of course). On my left sleeve I wore another star. So:

*

(also on probation).

They were good stars, none better in the service; and as we didn't like
the sound of "on probation" Celia put a few stitches in them to make them
more permanent. This proved effective. Six months later I had a very
pleasant note from the King telling me that the days of probation were
now over, and making it clear that he and I were friends.

I was now a real Second Lieutenant. On my right sleeve I had a single
star. Thus:

*
(not on probation).

On my left sleeve I also had a single star. In this manner:

*

This star also was now a fixed one.

From that time forward my thoughts dwelt naturally on promotion. There
were exalted persons in the regiment called Lieutenants. They had two
stars on each sleeve. So:

**

I decided to become a Lieutenant.

Promotion in our regiment was difficult. After giving the matter every
consideration I came to the conclusion that the only way to win my second
star was to save the Colonel's life. I used to follow him about
affectionately in the hope that he would fall into the sea. He was a big
strong man and a powerful swimmer, but once in the water it would not be
difficult to cling round his neck and give an impression that I was
rescuing him. However, he refused to fall in. I fancy that he wore
somebody's Military Soles which prevent slipping.

Years rolled on. I used to look at my stars sometimes, one on each
sleeve; they seemed very lonely. At times they came close together;
but at other times as, for instance, when I was semaphoring, they were
very far apart. To prevent these occasional separations Celia took them
off my sleeves and put them on my shoulders. One on each shoulder. So:

*

And so:

*

There they stayed.

And more years rolled on.

One day Celia came to me in great excitement.

"Have you seen this in the paper about promotion?" she said eagerly.

"No; what is it?" I asked. "Are they making more generals?"

"I don't know about generals; it's Second Lieutenants being Lieutenants."

"You're joking on a v