to the Shandy
family--and it is from this point properly, that the story of my Life
and my Opinions sets out. With all my hurry and precipitation, I have
but been clearing the ground to raise the building--and such a building
do I foresee it will turn out, as never was planned, and as never was
executed since Adam. In less than five minutes I shall have thrown
my pen into the fire, and the little drop of thick ink which is left
remaining at the bottom of my ink-horn, after it--I have but half a
score things to do in the time--I have a thing to name--a thing to
lament--a thing to hope--a thing to promise, and a thing to threaten--I
have a thing to suppose--a thing to declare--a thing to conceal--a thing
to choose, and a thing to pray for--This chapter, therefore, I name the
chapter of Things--and my next chapter to it, that is, the first chapter
of my next volume, if I live, shall be my chapter upon Whiskers, in
order to keep up some sort of connection in my works.

The thing I lament is, that things have crowded in so thick upon me,
that I have not been able to get into that part of my work, towards
which I have all the way looked forwards, with so much earnest desire;
and that is the Campaigns, but especially the amours of my uncle Toby,
the events of which are of so singular a nature, and so Cervantick a
cast, that if I can so manage it, as to convey but the same impressions
to every other brain, which the occurrences themselves excite in my
own--I will answer for it the book shall make its way in the world, much
better than its master has done before it.--Oh Tristram! Tristram! can
this but be once brought about--the credit, which will attend thee as an
author, shall counterbalance the many evils will have befallen thee as
a man--thou wilt feast upon the one--when thou hast lost all sense and
remembrance of the other--!

No wonder I itch so much as I do, to get at these amours--They are the
choicest morsel of my whole story! and when I do get at 'em--assure
yourselves, good folks--(nor do I value whose squeamish stomach
takes offence at it) I shall not be at all nice in the choice of my
words!--and that's the thing I have to declare.--I shall never get all
through in five minutes, that I fear--and the thing I hope is, that your
worships and reverences are not offended--if you are, depend upon't I'll
give you something, my good gentry, next year to be offended at--that's
my dear Jenny's way--but who my Jenny is--and