forenames of both end in "-on," as does
also the concluding syllable of WATTS-DUNTON. The fact that the Editor
of _The British Weekly_ has never published any poems over his own
name only tends to confirm the theory, as the argument conclusively
establishes.

* * * * *

For it is impossible to believe that so versatile a polymath should
not at some time or other have courted the Muse, and if so, under what
name could he have had a stronger motive for publishing his poems than
that of SWINBURNE? So austere a theologian would naturally shrink from
revealing his excursions into the realms of poesy, and under this
disguise he was safe from detection. Lastly, while Sir W. ROBERTSON
NICOLL has always championed the Kailyard School, SWINBURNE lived
at The Pines. The connection is obvious; as thus: Kail, sea-kale,
sea-coal, coke, coker-nut, walnut, dessert, pine-apple, pine.

* * * * *

As regards SWINBURNE'S conduct of _The British Weekly_, it is enough
to point to such alliterative and melodious combinations as "Rambling
Remarks" and "Claudius Clear." The theological attitude of the paper
presents difficulties which are not so easy to overcome, but Mr.
Pullar Leggatt has promised to deal with this question later on.
Meanwhile the diplomatic silence maintained by Sir W. ROBERTSON NICOLL
and Mr. EDMUND GOSSE must not be interpreted as conveying either a
complete acceptance or a total rejection of this remarkable theory.

* * * * *

[Illustration: _Wounded Tommy_. "WILL YOU PLAY MENDELSSOHN'S 'SPRING
SONG,' PLEASE?"

_Distinguished Pianist_ (_with a soul above Mendelssohn_). "I'M AFRAID
I CAN'T."

_Tommy_. "IT IS A BIT OF A TEASER, AIN'T IT? TIES MY SISTER UP IN A
KNOT WHENEVER SHE TACKLES IT."]

* * * * *

THE NEW CRUMMLES.

HERTLING "is not Prussian."

* * * * *

MY PYJAMAS.

A STUDY IN THE FASTIDIOUS.

I hope this is not going to be embarrassing. If so, it is not my
fault. This is history, please remember, not fiction. I wanted--I am
obliged to say it--pyjamas for winter wear. I know all about pyjamas
for summer wear; what I wanted was pyjamas for winter wear, and I
decided that Agnes should make them. For years I have been trying to
get proper pyjamas--by which I mean pyjamas properly made--but the
haberdasher always smiles depreciation and tells me t