of a thousand little secrets,
which are every day whispered in my presence, without any suspicion of
their being overheard. You saw how I handled that shallow politician at
my Lady Plausible's the other day. The same method I practise upon the
crazed Tory, the bigot Whig, the sour, supercilious pedant, the petulant
critic, the blustering coward, the fawning fool, the pert imp, sly
sharper, and every other species of knaves and fools, with which this
kingdom abounds.

"In consequence of my rank and character, I obtain free admission to
the ladies, among whom I have acquired the appellation of the Scandalous
Chronicle. As I am considered, while silent, in no other light than that
of a footstool or elbow-chair, they divest their conversation of all
restraint before me, and gratify my sense of hearing with strange
things, which, if I could prevail upon myself to give the world that
satisfaction, would compose a curious piece of secret history, and
exhibit a quite different idea of characters from what is commonly
entertained.

"By this time, young gentleman, you may perceive that I have it in
my power to be a valuable correspondent, and that it will be to your
interest to deserve my confidence."

Here the misanthrope left off speaking, desirous to know the sentiments
of our hero, who embraced the proffered alliance in a transport of joy
and surprise; and the treaty was no sooner concluded, than Mr. Crabtree
began to perform articles, by imparting to him a thousand delicious
secrets, from the possession of which he promised himself innumerable
scenes of mirth and enjoyment. By means of this associate, whom he
considered as the ring of Gyges, he foresaw, that he should be enabled
to penetrate, not only into the chambers, but even to the inmost
thoughts of the female sex. In order to ward off suspicion, they
agreed to revile each other in public, and meet at a certain private
rendezvous, to communicate their mutual discoveries, and concert their
future operations.

But, soon after this agreement, our adventurer was summoned to the
garrison by an express from his friend Hatchway, representing that the
commodore lay at the point of death; and, in less than an hour after
the receipt of this melancholy piece of news, he set out post for his
uncle's habitation, having previously taken leave of Crabtree,
who promised to meet him in two months in London; and settled a
correspondence with Gauntlet, who proposed to remain at Bath