measuring
the area of each room around it; then going down stairs, and out of
doors, he measured the entire ground area; then compared the sum total
of the areas of all the rooms on the second floor with the ground area;
then, returning to me in no small excitement, announced that there was a
difference of no less than two hundred and odd square feet--room enough,
in all conscience, for a secret closet.

"But, Mr. Scribe," said I, stroking my chin, "have you allowed for the
walls, both main and sectional? They take up some space, you know."

"Ah, I had forgotten that," tapping his forehead; "but," still ciphering
on his paper, "that will not make up the deficiency."

"But, Mr. Scribe, have you allowed for the recesses of so many
fireplaces on a floor, and for the fire-walls, and the flues; in short,
Mr. Scribe, have you allowed for the legitimate chimney itself--some one
hundred and forty-four square feet or thereabouts, Mr. Scribe?"

"How unaccountable. That slipped my mind, too."

"Did it, indeed, Mr. Scribe?"

He faltered a little, and burst forth with, "But we must now allow
one hundred and forty-four square feet for the legitimate chimney.
My position is, that within those undue limits the secret closet is
contained."

I eyed him in silence a moment; then spoke:

"Your survey is concluded, Mr. Scribe; be so good now as to lay your
finger upon the exact part of the chimney wall where you believe
this secret closet to be; or would a witch-hazel wand assist you, Mr.
Scribe?"

"No, Sir, but a crowbar would," he, with temper, rejoined.

Here, now, thought I to myself, the cat leaps out of the bag. I looked
at him with a calm glance, under which he seemed somewhat uneasy. More
than ever now I suspected a plot. I remembered what my wife had said
about abiding by the decision of Mr. Scribe. In a bland way, I resolved
to buy up the decision of Mr. Scribe.

"Sir," said I, "really, I am much obliged to you for this survey. It has
quite set my mind at rest. And no doubt you, too, Mr. Scribe, must
feel much relieved. Sir," I added, "you have made three visits to the
chimney. With a business man, time is money. Here are fifty dollars, Mr.
Scribe. Nay, take it. You have earned it. Your opinion is worth it. And
by the way,"--as he modestly received the money--"have you any objections
to give me a--a--little certificate--something, say, like a steamboat
certificate, certifying that you, a competent surveyor, have surve