words and determine to profit by them and to lead from
that hour a better and nobler life?

No! she howled.

That done, she became abusive. She said:

"Oo naughty--oo naughty, bad unkie--oo bad man--me tell MAR."

And she did, too.

Since then, when my views have been called for I have kept my real
sentiments more to myself like, preferring to express unbounded
admiration of this young person's actions, irrespective of their actual
merits. And she nods her head approvingly and trots off to advertise my
opinion to the rest of the household. She appears to employ it as a sort
of testimonial for mercenary purposes, for I subsequently hear
distant sounds of "Unkie says me dood dirl--me dot to have two bikkies
[biscuits]."

There she goes, now, gazing rapturously at her own toes and murmuring
"pittie"--two-foot-ten of conceit and vanity, to say nothing of other
wickednesses.

They are all alike. I remember sitting in a garden one sunny afternoon
in the suburbs of London. Suddenly I heard a shrill treble voice calling
from a top-story window to some unseen being, presumably in one of the
other gardens, "Gamma, me dood boy, me wery good boy, gamma; me dot on
Bob's knickiebockies."

Why, even animals are vain. I saw a great Newfoundland dog the other
day sitting in front of a mirror at the entrance to a shop in Regent's
Circus, and examining himself with an amount of smug satisfaction that I
have never seen equaled elsewhere outside a vestry meeting.

I was at a farm-house once when some high holiday was being celebrated.
I don't remember what the occasion was, but it was something festive,
a May Day or Quarter Day, or something of that sort, and they put a
garland of flowers round the head of one of the cows. Well, that absurd
quadruped went about all day as perky as a schoolgirl in a new frock;
and when they took the wreath off she became quite sulky, and they had
to put it on again before she would stand still to be milked. This is
not a Percy anecdote. It is plain, sober truth.

As for cats, they nearly equal human beings for vanity. I have known
a cat get up and walk out of the room on a remark derogatory to her
species being made by a visitor, while a neatly turned compliment will
set them purring for an hour.

I do like cats. They are so unconsciously amusing. There is such a comic
dignity about them, such a "How dare you!" "Go away, don't touch me"
sort of air. Now, there is nothing haughty about a dog. Th