actice, I was acting a part somewhat
foreign to my constitution. I was by nature more of a speculative than
an active character, more inclined to reason within myself upon what
I heard and saw, than to declaim concerning it. I loved to sit by
unobserved, and to meditate upon the panorama before me. At first I
associated chiefly with those who were more or less admirers of my work;
and, as I had risen (to speak in the slang phrase) like "a star" upon
my contemporaries without being expected, I was treated generally with
a certain degree of deference, or, where not with deference and
submission, yet as a person whose opinions and view of things were to be
taken into the account. The individuals who most strenuously opposed me,
acted with a consciousness that, if they affected to despise me, they
must not expect that all the bystanders would participate in that
feeling.

But this was to a considerable degree the effect of novelty. My lungs,
as I have already said, were not of iron; my manner was not overbearing
and despotic; there was nothing in it to deter him who differed from me
from entering the field in turn, and telling the tale of his views and
judgments in contradiction to mine. I descended into the arena, and
stood on a level with the rest. Beyond this, it occasionally happened
that, if I had not the stentorian lungs, and the petty artifices of
rhetoric and conciliation, that should carry a cause independently of
its merits, my antagonists were not deficient in these respects. I
had nothing in my favour to balance this, but a sort of constitutional
equanimity and imperturbableness of temper, which, if I was at any
time silenced, made me not look like a captive to be dragged at the
chariot-wheels of my adversary.

All this however had a tendency to subtract from my vocation as a
missionary. I was no longer a knight-errant, prepared on all occasions
by dint of arms to vindicate the cause of every principle that was
unjustly handled, and every character that was wrongfully assailed.
Meanwhile I returned to the field, occasionally and uncertainly. It
required some provocation and incitement to call me out: but there was
the lion, or whatever combative animal may more justly prefigure me,
sleeping, and that might be awakened.

There is another feature necessary to be mentioned, in order to make
this a faithful representation. There are persons, it should seem, of
whom it may be predicated, that they are semper parat