said. "May I quote?" asked he.
"Oh, no," I replied, "if you're going to quote,
Just remark that his friends are regretting to note
That the exigencies of the party case
Indicate that he shouldn't re-enter the race."
For the senator sometime may possibly be
Interviewed by a newspaper-man about me.
No, none of these cases may quite fit you,
But what sort of a bluff _are_ you?

[Illustration: "And, oh, the tone color beats belief"

_Page 88._]

THE CRITICS.

As a matter of fact,
I am sure I can act,
And so,
When I go,
To the show,
Not the art of an Irving
Seems wholly deserving,
And though Booth were the star
He'd have many a jar,
If he heard the critique
Which I frequently speak,
As you
Do,
Too.

Written deep in my heart
Is a knowledge of art,
For why?
I've an eye
Like a die.
And where Raphael's paint
Has bedizened some saint,
I note his perspective
Is sadly defective,
And you? O, I know
When you've looked on Corot
The same
Blame
Came.

And the world would have gained
If my voice had been trained,
For my ear
Is severe,
As I hear
De Reszke and Patti.
(I've heard 'em sing "ratty!")
And the crowd has yelled "Bis!"
When a call for police
Should have shortened the score.
Was there ever a more
Absurd
Word
Heard?

And I feel, now and then,
I could handle a pen,
For indeed,
As I heed
What I read,
I observe many faults;
Homer nods, Shakespere halts,
Dante's sad, Pope is trite,
Poe's mechanic, Holmes light,
Yet so easy to do
Is the thing, even you
Might
Write
Quite
Bright!

PLUG.

As you haven't asked me for advice, I'll give it to you now:
Plug!
No matter who or what you are, or where you are, the how
Is plug.
You may take your dictionary, unabridged, and con it through,
You may swallow the Britannica and all its retinue,
But here I lay it f. o. b.--the only word for you
Is plug.

Are you in the big procession, but away behind the band?
Plug!