his relatives against you,
and that you should be surprised if he and they didn't effect a
separation. If he is still in earshot, pass on to what he once told you,
beginning each remark with:

"You said that----

"And then proceed to point out wherein and howin he has utterly failed
to make good his promises. Further, if he is still in the house, enlarge
upon the change you have noted in his conduct toward you--how devoted he
used to be, and how selfish he has become. Next, tell him how
well-dressed other women are, and how little you have on.

"By this time, if not sooner, he will remember that he has night work
clamoring for him at the office, or that his presence at the club is
absolutely necessary, and it would be well for you to conclude your
remarks by observing that if he bangs the front door so hard every time
he goes out, he will loosen the hinges."

"Well now," said Mrs. Purblind--the invisible Mrs. Purblind (she always
would listen to reason, which is more than could be said for the visible
creature of that name), "well now, I know well enough when I go on that
way, that it isn't best to do it; but the Evil One seems to enter me,
and I get going, and I couldn't stop unless I bit my tongue off."

"Bite it then," I said, "and after that, jump into the lake; were you
once there, your virtues would float, and your husband would love them;
but alive, your virtues are beneath water, and your nagging is always on
top."

"But what is one to do? Supposing all these things are true--supposing
you suffer from all these wrongs."

"Did you ever right a wrong by setting it before your husband in this
way, and at these times?"

"No."

"Did you ever improve your condition?"

"No. But what would you do?"

"Shut up. Dip deep into silence. In the first place, when you find you
have poor material, take extra care in the cooking; study the art; use
all the skill you can acquire, and finally, if that won't do, if it
_positively_ won't--if you can't make a decent dish out of him, open the
kitchen door, and heave him into the ash-barrel, and the ash-man will
cart him away."

I have traveled a little in my life, and have been entertained in
various households. I have seen wives who deserve crowns of laurel, to
compensate for the crown of thorns they have worn for years; but I have
seen others, who had thorns about them indeed, but they themselves were
not on the sharp end. Some of these stupid, ignorant women fancied