ot into disgrace. I record it frankly, as my boast is, throughout
this biography, to have spoken the truth of all the different variations
of my life. Since the captain's incipient insanity, the _Eos_ had
gradually become an ill-regulated ship. The gallant first-lieutenant,
formerly so smart and so active, had not escaped the general
demoralisation. He was a disappointed man. He had not distinguished
himself. God knows, it was neither for want of daring nor expense of
life. He had cut out everything that could be carried, and had
attempted almost everything that could not. I am compelled to say that
these bloody onslaughts were as often failures as successes. He was no
nearer his next step on the ladder of promotion than before. His temper
became soured, and he was now often lax, sometimes unjust, and always
irritable. The other officers shared in the general falling off, and
too often made the quarter-deck a display for temper.

The third-lieutenant--yes, I think it was the third--had mast-headed me,
about the middle of the first dog-watch; most likely deservedly, for I
had lately affected to give the proud and sullen answer. Before I went
aloft to my miserable station, I represented to him that I had the first
watch; that there was now but three of the young gentlemen doing their
duty, the others having very wisely fallen ill, and taken the protection
of the sick-list. I told him, respectfully enough, "that if he kept me
up in that disagreeable station from half-past five till eight, I could
not possibly do my duty, for very weariness, from eight till midnight.
It was a physical impossibility." But he was inexorable. Up I went,
the demon of all evil passions gnawing at my heart.

It was almost dark when I went aloft. It was a gusty, dreary night,
bitterly, very bitterly cold. I was ill-clad. At intervals, the fierce
and frozen drifts, like the stings of so many wasps, drove fiercely into
my face; and I believe that I must confess that I cried over my crooked
and aching fingers as the circulation went on with agony, or stopped
with numbness. It is true, I was called down within the hour; but that
hour of suffering had done me much constitutional mischief. I was
stupified as much as if I had committed a debauch upon fat ale.
However, I was too angry to complain, or to seek relief from the
surgeon. I went on deck at half-past eight, with obtuse faculties and a
reckless heart.

The frigate was, with