as many confiscated
Tapsters aprons, as made me a Tent, as bigge as any ordinarie commanders
in the field. But in conclusion, my welbeloued Baron of double beere got
him humbly on his marybones to the king, and complained hee was olde and
striken in yeres, and had nere an heire to cast at a dogge, wherefore if
it might please his maiesty to take his lands into his hands, and allowe
him some reasonable pension to liue on, hee shoulde bee meruailous wel
pleased: as for the warres, he was wearie of them, and yet as long as
highnes shoulde venture his owne person, hee would not flinch a foot,
but make his withered bodie a buckler, to beare off anie blow that
should be aduanced agaynst him.

The king meruailing at this strange alteration of his great marchant of
syder (for so hee woulde often pleasantly tearme him), with a little
further talke bolted out the whole complotment Then was I pittifully
whipt for my holy day lie, although they made themselues merrie with it
many a faire winters euening after.

Yet notwithstanding his good asseheaded honor mine host, perseuered in
his former simple request to the king to accept of the surrender of
his landes, and allowe him a beadsmanry or out-brother-ship of brachet,
which at length, through his vehement instancie tooke effect, and the
king ieastingly sayd, since he would needs haue it so, he would distrain
on part of his land for impost of syder, which hee was behinde hande
with him, and neuer payd.

This was one of my famous atchieuements, insomuch as I neuer light vpon
the like famous foole, but I haue done a thousand better ieasts if they
had bin bookt in order as they were begotten. It is pittie posteritie
shoulde bee depriued of such precious recordes, and yet there is no
remedie, and yet there is to, for when all fayles, welfare a good
memorie. Gentle readers (looke you be gentle now since I haue cald you
so) as freely as my knauerie was mine owne, it shall be yours to vse in
the way of honestie.

Euen in this expedition of Turwin (for the king stoode not long
thrumming of buttons there) it happened me fall out (I would it had
fallen out otherwise for his sake) with an vgly mechanical Captaine. You
must thinke in an armie, where tronchios are in their state house, it is
a flat stab once to name a Captaine without cappe in hand. Well, suppose
hee was a Captaine, & had nere a good cap of his owne, but I was faine
to lend him one of my Lords cast veluet caps, and a weathe