nch, I led
astraie most notoriously, for he beeing a monstrous vnthrift of battle
axes (as one that cared not in his anger to bid flie out scuttels to
fiue score of them) and a notable emboweller of quart pots, I came
disguised vnto him in the forme of a halfe a crowne wench, my gowne and
attire according to the custome the in request. I wis I had my curtesies
in cue or in quart pot rather, for they dyu'd into the very entrailes of
the dust, and I simpered with my countenance lyke a porredge pot on the
fire when it first begins to seeth. The sobrietie of the circumstance
is, that after he had courted me and all, and giuen me the earnest
pennie of impietie, some sixe crownes at the least for an antipast to
iniquitie, I fained an impregnable excuse to be gone, and neuer came at
him after. Yet left I not here, but committed a little more scutcherie.
A companie of coystrell clarkes (who were in band with sathan, and not of
anie souldiers collar nor his hatband) pincht a number of good mindes to
Godward of theyr prouant. They would not let a dram of dead pay ouerslip
them, they would not lend a groat of the weeke to come, to him that had
spent his money before this weeke was done. They outfaced the greatest
and most magnanimious servitours in their sincere and finigraphicall
cleane shirts and cuffes. A lowse that was anie Gentlemans companion
they thought scorne of, their nere bitten beardes must in a deuils name
bedewdeuerie daiewith rosewater, hogges could haue nere a hayre on theyr
backes, for making them rubbing brushes to rouse theyr crab lice. They
woulde in no wise permitte that the moates in the Sunnebeames should be
full mouthde beholders of theyr cleane phinikde appareil, theyr shooes
shined as bright as a slike-stone, theyr handes troubled and soyled more
water with washing, than the camell doth, that nere drinkes till the
whole streame bee troubled. Summarily, neuer anie were so fantastical
the one halfe as they. My masters you may conceiue of me what you list,
but I thinke confidently I was ordayned Gods scourge from aboue for
theyr daintie finicalitie. The houre of theyr punishment could no longer
be proroged, but vengeance must haue at them at al a ventures. So it
was, that the most of these aboue named goosequil braccahadocheos were
meere cowards and crauens, and durst not so much as throw a penfull
of inke into the enimies face, if proofe were made, wherefore on the
experience of their pusellanimitie I thought