ud-compeller, forever raising storms and whirlwinds merely for the
pleasure of directing them; 'haughty he was, aspiring, immeasurably
active; fertile in resources as Robinson Crusoe; but also full of
quarrel as it is possible to imagine; and in default of any other
opponent, he would have fastened a quarrel upon his own shadow for
presuming to run before him when going westward in the morning; whereas,
in all reason, a shadow, like a dutiful child, ought to keep
deferentially in the rear of that majestic substance which is the author
of its existence.' He hated books, except those which he chanced to
write himself; he was especially great on the subject of necromancy; was
even the author of a profound work, entitled 'How to Raise a Ghost, and
when You have Got Him Down, how to Keep Him Down.' 'To which work, he
assured us, that some most learned and enormous man, whose name was a
foot and a half long, had promised him an appendix, which appendix
treated of the Red Sea and Solomon's signet ring, with forms of
_mittimus_ for ghosts that might be refractory, and probably a riot act
for any _emeute_ among ghosts;' for he often gravely affirmed that a
confederation, 'a solemn league and conspiracy, might take place among
the infinite generations of ghosts against the single generation of men
at any one time composing the garrison of death.' Deeming this subject
too recondite for his juvenile audience, he dropped it, and commenced a
course of lectures upon physics. 'This undertaking arose from some one
of us envying or admiring flies for their power of walking upon the
ceiling. 'Poh!' said he, 'they are impostors; they pretend to do it, but
they can't do it as it ought to be done. Ah! you should see _me_
standing upright on the ceiling, with my head downward, for half an hour
together, and meditating profoundly.' My sister Mary remarked that we
should all be very glad to see him in that position. 'If that's the
case,' he replied, 'it's very well that all is ready except as to a
strap or two.' Being an excellent skater, he had first imagined that, if
held up till he had started, he might then, by taking a bold sweep
ahead, keep himself in position through the continued impetus of
skating. But this he found not to answer; because, as he observed, 'the
friction was too retarding from the plaster of Paris; but the case would
be very different if the ceiling were covered with ice.' But as it was
_not_, he changed his plan. The true