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disaster was prolonged intolerably. The droning propeller seemed to be
directly above us. I tried to analyse my feelings. If one finger is held
close to the middle of the forehead a curious sensation of strain seems
to gather in that spot. That was precisely the sensation I had at the
back of my head and neck, only with far greater intensity. It was the
concentrated, agonizing consciousness of the swift descent of a huge
iron mass that will strike the base of the head and blow the whole body
to pieces. In the region of the solar-plexus I had a feeling of
oppression such as one often has before an examination, before jumping
into an icy river, before opening a letter that may contain bad news. I
also breathed more heavily than usual. I made no attempt to master these
sensations. It occurred to me that fear is merely a physical reaction
that cannot be avoided. If a man reacts so violently that he is overcome
and rushes about as though he were demented, it is no more his fault
than if he shivers with cold. A man can stop shivering by an effort of
the will, but only to a certain extent. And no effort of the will can
prevent him from feeling cold. In the same way, no effort of the will
can prevent him from feeling fear, and only to a limited extent can the
will control the outward manifestations of fear. Nevertheless, some
distraction may enable a man to forget his fear for a while, just as it
may enable him to forget the cold. I was so intent upon self-analysis
that I lost consciousness of everything except my mental concentration,
even of those sensations I was trying to analyse, for the very act of
analysis was destroying them. As they grew weaker, the effort of my will
increased. It became so great that I grew conscious of great mental
tension and at the same time I realized that my fear had vanished
altogether. For a brief space I had a sensation of vacuity as though I
could neither think nor feel. Then my mental effort suddenly collapsed,
I once more became aware of the droning overhead, and with a rush my
former fears were upon me again. I pressed myself flat to earth. I heard
the descent of a bomb. I trembled and tried to shrink to nothing. There
was a deafening thunder-clap and the ground shook. A quantity of loose
earth came down upon us. Another bomb descended--every muscle in my body
tightened and I stopped breathing altogether. But the explosion that
followed was fainter than the last. Then there was another, s