tinual need of fresh supplies of grace to preserve and feed that
new life which could not live on earthly food; forgetting the
deceitfulness of my heart, the injunctions of my Bible, I became cold,
negligent in the use of means, distant in prayer, lost enjoyment, and
my heart, naturally carnal and madly fond of pleasure, got entangled.
'The lust of the flesh, the lust of the eye, and the pride of life'
regained their power; other loves usurped the place of that Beloved
who had bought me with his blood, and betrothed me to himself; 'that
which came into my mind was, that I would be as the families of the
countries, to serve wood and stone.' Blessed be his name, he said, 'It
shall not be.' He brought me into the wilderness and pleaded with me,
caused me to pass under the rod, brought me again into the bond of
the covenant.

"O how often hast thou wrought with me, for thy name's sake. One
self-willed step brought with it a train of consequences dangerous to
spiritual life, filling even the path of duty with pits and snares,
cutting me off from ordinances, pastor, parents, church, country, and
Christian society; placing me at the same time in the midst of carnal
delights; and every thing in my natural temper and dispositions was
congenial to them. What saved me? What in heaven or earth could save
me, but thy covenant? Truly thy covenant standeth fast; therefore I
was not lost in the vortex. But 'the Lord God, merciful and gracious,
long-suffering, and abundant in goodness and truth, forgiving
iniquity, transgression, and sin,' kept his eye upon me; many a time
did he stop up my path. O from how many delusions of my own seeking;
how many snares and nets of my own weaving; how many pits of my own
digging, hast thou delivered me, when wandering, bewildered, on
temptation's ground, in the cloudy dark day. How often hast thou
sought me out; how often bound me up when broken, strengthened me when
sick, and fed me with judgment, and very, very often, thou madest
thyself known to me. I knew thy hand when it shook the rod, when it
arrested me on some mad career. I knew thy hedge, thy bar; saw not
only escapes, but my Deliverer: often paused, turned, and took fast
hold of thy covenant. I had no afflictions in those days, but every
pleasure lawful to be enjoyed, and natural to the heart of woman; but
no pastor, no church, no Christian society; yet God was there, my
Bible, my Doddridge, and other good books. And to my shame and
c