er
in Christ, but thou hast shut me out from thy presence. I do not enjoy
thee; my poor heart is tossed from trifle to trifle. It has been my
way through life to destroy myself, and thy way to deliver me. Thou
hast been very gracious to me in my old age. I have enjoyed much of
thy presence in thy sanctuary and in my private hours; and although
sin has dwelt and does dwell in me, I have enjoyed thy forgiving
grace, and have tasted thy love, far beyond what I have for weeks
past. 'Search me, O God, and know my heart; try me and know my
thoughts; and see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the
way everlasting.' Show me wherefore thou contendest with me. Am I
living in the indulgence of any known wilful sin; or in the habitual
neglect of any known duty? Lord, 'it is not in man that walketh to
direct his steps.' I know I have been unthankful, unwatchful, idle;
alas, this is my ordinary course; but it is not the ordinary course of
my Lord God, merciful and gracious, to mark iniquity against me, but
to forgive me daily, to lead me to the blood of sprinkling, to give me
contrition, and to restore me to his favor by giving me 'joy and peace
in believing.' Help, Lord; give me heart-searching exercises. I read
thy word, I set about that to which thou callest me. I set apart this
day for fasting, but the gracious exercises are not in me. Come, O
come, and be with me. Exalted Prince, give repentance and remission;
in thy light let me see light.

"'Therefore now turn ye unto me with all your heart, with
fasting, with weeping and mourning; rend your heart and not your
garments, turn unto the Lord your God; for he is gracious and
merciful, slow to anger, and of great kindness, and repenteth him of
the evil.' Joel 2:12. O, do I not know thee by this name; has it not
been thy name to me throughout this wide wilderness, 'pardoning
iniquity, transgression, and sin?' Thou hast prepared a prayer for me,
'Turn me, and I shall be turned, for thou art the Lord my God.' Jer.
31:18. I look to thy new covenant in the same chapter; it is all
promise, I can do nothing in it. Christ by thine own appointment
answers for my part; or rather, I have no part. I can render nothing
to the Lord for all his benefits to me. I will put forth the withered
hand to 'take the cup of salvation, and call on the name of the Lord.'

"Ten o'clock. The day is spent; I have confessed, and endeavored
to turn to the Lord with mourning, but with litt