ectly definite way of announcing an approaching engagement.
She knew the custom, and _carried mine on no less than three
occasions_. (It is entirely beside the point that it rained heavily
each time.) Yet she left us yesterday without an approach to a
proposal. She's fair enough herself, but is her conduct? It isn't
as if I hadn't given her enough chances. It cost me a small fortune
to bribe my small brother to keep away; and, time after time, I've
consented to sit alone with her in the summer-house. It isn't as
if she couldn't afford it. They tell me she has at least a thousand
a-year in her own right (whatever that may be), which would do
capitally. I happen to be penniless myself; but, as I heard her say,
her idea of marriage was the union of "soul to soul," my want of a few
paltry pence could hardly matter. It's particularly humiliating for
me, as, after the repeated umbrella-carrying, everybody here thinks
it's all settled. That, _Mr. Punch_, is the reason why, at any rate,
_one_ young man doesn't marry.

Yours, thoroughly aggrieved, BERTIE COOL-CHEEK,

_Pickleton-in-the-Marsh, Kent_.

P.S.--If ETHEL really didn't understand her position, and would like
to reopen the matter, I would not be haughty about it.--B. C-C.

DEAR, KIND, GOOD MR. PUNCH,--The reason is obvious--the men don't and
won't propose to the right girls. Take my own case. I've just stayed
three weeks with the COOL-CHEEKS, and felt quite certain BERTIE would
have proposed. He had all the symptoms badly. I saw him give his
little brother half-a-crown to go indoors for ten minutes, and the way
he _would_ go in the summer-house and for long walks--with _me_--made
it quite clear (as I thought) what was going to happen. Yet, he let
me come away without a word! I'm sure _I_ don't want to run after him
(or anybody else), but I _did_ think he meant something. We suited
one another admirably. In fact, if he doesn't ask _me_ with all the
opportunities he had, he'd ask no one.

Yours, just-a-little-disappointed, ETHEL TRINKERTON,

_The Thorns, Bayswater._

P.S.--He carried my umbrella almost hourly--and you know what
_that_ means. If BERTIE was only nervous, and would like another
chance--well, we are always at home on Sunday afternoons.--E.T.

* * * * *

[Illustration: A REAL CONVERT.

_Local Preacher_ (_giving an account to the Vicar of the Parish of a
dispute he has had with the Leading Lights of his Sect_). "YES, SI