_). Oh, it's nearly arranged!

_Acting Man._ Well, if I might suggest, as a person of considerable
experience, it doesn't matter a jot whether you get a company together
or not.

_Members_ (_as before_). Why?

_Acting Man._ Because you won't get an audience!

[_Scene closes in upon farther consultation._

* * * * *

[Illustration: MODEST AMBITION.

_The Squire_ (_to his Eldest Son, just home from the 'Varsity_).
"WELL, MY BOY, AND WHAT HAVE YOU SETTLED TO BE?"

_The Squire's Son_. "JUST A _PLAIN COUNTRY GENTLEMAN_ LIKE YOU,
FATHER!"]

* * * * *

THEOSOPHIC TOOLS.

(_BY AN OPPONENT OF OCCULTISM._)

The Theosophic Boom, its wordy strife
And futile fuss are fading out in "fizzle."
They talk a deal about their "_planes_ of life,"
'Tis plain to me the fitter term were "chisel."

* * * * *

POPULAR SONGS RE-SUNG:

OR, MISS BOWDLER AT THE MUSIC HALLS.

"A nod is as good as a wink to a blind horse," says the old saw, and
a wink is no doubt as good as a smile to a purblind ass. But the wink
is indeed one of the worst uses to which the human eye can he put. It
signifies usually the vulgarisation of humour, and the degradation of
mirth. It is the favourite eye-language of the cynical cad, the coarse
jester, the crapulous clown, and--above all--the chuckling cheat.

[Illustration]

It must be admitted, that the Muse of the Music Hall--in her Momus
mood--has a strong leaning towards the glorification of cynical
'cuteness of the _Autolycus_ sort. It is a weakness which she seems
to share with party scribes and Colonial politicians. If she had any
classic leanings, which she has not, her favourite deity would be
Mercury, the "winking Cyllenian Argophont" of the Homeric Hymn, the
"little cradled rogue," the Apollo-cheating babe, "the lord of those
who swindle, house-break, sheep-steal and shop-lift," under whom
_Autolycus_ prided himself upon having been "littered." _Autolycus's_
complacent self-gratulation, "How bless'd are we that are not simple
men!" would appeal to the heart of the Music-hall votary. "Ha, ha!
what a fool Honesty is! and Trust his sworn brother, a very simple
gentleman" is, virtually, the burthen of dozens of the most favourite
of the Music-hall ditties.

Sly-scheming Hermes "winked" knowingly at Jupiter when he was
"pitching his yarn" about the stolen oxen, and Jupiter "according t