ace! We strove to rise, but the strong clay held us fast.

Year in, year out, along the roads the ceaseless wagons clattered;
Listened we for an English voice ever, ever in vain;
Far in the west, year out, year in, terrible thunders battered,
Drumming the doom of whom--of whom? Hope in our hearts lay shattered....
Then we heard the lilt of Highland pipes and English songs again.

On, ever on, we heard them press; their jaunty bugles blended
Proudly and clear that we might hear, we dead men of old wars,
How the red agony was passed and the long vigil ended.
Now may we sleep in peace again lapped in a vision splendid
Of England's banners marching onwards, upwards to the stars.

PATLANDER.

* * * * *

[Illustration: THE MILITARY MUZZLE.

FRITZ. "AFTER ALL, IT'S NOT MUCH GOOD BARKING WHEN THEY'VE STOPPED MY
BITE."]

* * * * *

[Illustration: OUR SENSITIVE YOUTH.

_Cadet_. "'SCUSE ME, SIR--ARE YOU A DOCTOR? THERE'S A BOY FAINTED."

_Doctor_. "AH--FATIGUE, I SUPPOSE?"

_Cadet_. "No, SIR. THE SERGEANT SPLIT AN INFINITIVE."]

* * * * *

BRAINS AND BALDNESS.

BY OUR MEDICAL EXPERT.

(_With acknowledgments to "The Times"_).

Baldness among men is undoubtedly on the increase, and various reasons
have been assigned for its appearance in an exacerbated form. In
particular the stress and strain of the War have been mooted, and the
argument is reinforced by such words as Chauvinism, which, Mr. LLOYD
GEORGE is probably not aware, is derived from _chauve_. War is a solvent
of equanimity; in the cant but expressive phrase it becomes harder to
keep one's hair on. Again, _inter arma silent Musae_. Fewer people have
been playing the pianoforte, an exercise which has always exerted a
stimulating effect on the follicles. Our political correspondent at
Paris writes that M. PADEREWSKI'S once luxuriant _chevelure_ has
suffered sadly since he has taken to politics, but that after playing
for a couple of hours to Mr. BALFOUR a distinct improvement was
noticeable.

But no very clear exposition of the subject has yet been forthcoming,
and this is all the more extraordinary when it is considered that
baldness is really a very unsightly and distressing condition.

The sensitiveness of JULIUS CAESAR on this score is notorious. CIMABUE,
of whom Mr. LLOYD GEORGE has probably never heard, was a martyr to
_alopeci