, said, with the air of a
man who delicately suggests a subtlety: "It has struck me, ma'am, that
perhaps 'Girls' might begin very well. To be sure 'Dear girls' is the
best, if you would consent to it."

"Take another glass of wine, Mr. Braintop," Mrs. Chump nodded. "Ye're
nearer to ut now. 'Garls' is what they are, at all events. But don't you
see, my dear your man, it isn't the real thing we want so much as a sort
of a proud beginnin', shorrt of slappin' their faces. Think of dinner.
Furrst soup; that prepares ye for what's comin'. Then fish, which is on
the road to meat, dye see?--we pepper 'em. Then joint, Mr. Braintop--out
we burrst: (Oh, and what ins'lent hussies ye've been to me, and yell
naver see annything of me but my back!) Then the sweets,--But I'm a
forgivin' woman, and a Christian in the bargain, ye ungrateful minxes;
and if ye really are sorrowful! And there, Mr. Braintop, ye've got it all
laid out as flat as a pancake."

Mrs. Chump gave the motion of a lightning scrawl of the pen. Braintop
looked at the paper, which now appeared to recede from his eyes, and
flourish like a descending kite. The nature of the task he had undertaken
became mountainous in his imagination, till at last he fixed his forehead
in his thumbs and fingers, and resolutely counted a number of meaningless
words one hundred times. As this was the attitude of a severe student,
Mrs. Chump remained in expectation. Aware of the fearful confidence he
had excited in her, Braintop fell upon a fresh hundred, with variations.

"The truth is, I think better in church," he said, disclosing at last as
ingenuous a face as he could assume. He scarcely ventured to hope for a
second dismissal.

To his joy, Mrs. Chump responded with a sigh: "There, go again; and the
Lord forgive ye for directin' your mind to temporal matters when ye're
there! It's none of my doin', remember that; and don't be tryin' to make
me a partic'pator in your wickudness."

"This is so difficult, ma'am, because you won't begin with Dear," he
observed snappishly, as he was retiring.

"Of coorse it's difficult if it bothers me," retorted Mrs. Chump, divided
between that view of the case and contempt of Braintop for being on her
own level.

"Do you see, we are not to say 'Dear' anything, or 'Ladies,' or--in
short, really, if you come to think, ma'am!"

"Is that a woman's business, Mr. Braintop?" said Mrs. Chump, as from a
height; and the youth retired in humiliation.

Brai