favours, he was pleased to rally me a good deal upon this adventure. He
asked me, "what my thoughts and speculations were, while I lay in the
monkey's paw; how I liked the victuals he gave me; his manner of feeding;
and whether the fresh air on the roof had sharpened my stomach." He
desired to know, "what I would have done upon such an occasion in my own
country." I told his majesty, "that in Europe we had no monkeys, except
such as were brought for curiosity from other places, and so small, that
I could deal with a dozen of them together, if they presumed to attack
me. And as for that monstrous animal with whom I was so lately engaged
(it was indeed as large as an elephant), if my fears had suffered me to
think so far as to make use of my hanger," (looking fiercely, and
clapping my hand on the hilt, as I spoke) "when he poked his paw into my
chamber, perhaps I should have given him such a wound, as would have made
him glad to withdraw it with more haste than he put it in." This I
delivered in a firm tone, like a person who was jealous lest his courage
should be called in question. However, my speech produced nothing else
beside a laud laughter, which all the respect due to his majesty from
those about him could not make them contain. This made me reflect, how
vain an attempt it is for a man to endeavour to do himself honour among
those who are out of all degree of equality or comparison with him. And
yet I have seen the moral of my own behaviour very frequent in England
since my return; where a little contemptible varlet, without the least
title to birth, person, wit, or common sense, shall presume to look with
importance, and put himself upon a foot with the greatest persons of the
kingdom.

I was every day furnishing the court with some ridiculous story: and
Glumdalclitch, although she loved me to excess, yet was arch enough to
inform the queen, whenever I committed any folly that she thought would
be diverting to her majesty. The girl, who had been out of order, was
carried by her governess to take the air about an hour's distance, or
thirty miles from town. They alighted out of the coach near a small
foot-path in a field, and Glumdalclitch setting down my travelling box, I
went out of it to walk. There was a cow-dung in the path, and I must
need try my activity by attempting to leap over it. I took a run, but
unfortunately jumped short, and found myself just in the middle up to my
knees. I waded through