r watch. When that hour
began the sun was already set, but the sky still all golden and the
daylight clear; before the hour was done it had fallen to be half mirk,
the images and distances of things were mingled, and observation began
to be difficult. All that time not a foot of man had come east from
Silvermills, and the few that had gone west were honest countryfolk and
their wives upon the road to bed. If I were tracked by the most cunning
spies in Europe, I judged it was beyond the course of nature they could
have any jealousy of where I was; and going a little further home into
the wood I lay down to wait for Alan.
The strain of my attention had been great, for I had watched not the
path only, but every bush and field within my vision. That was now at an
end. The moon, which was in her first quarter, glinted a little in the
wood; all round there was a stillness of the country; and as I lay there
on my back, the next three or four hours, I had a fine occasion to
review my conduct.
Two things became plain to me first: that I had had no right to go that
day to Dean, and (having gone there) had now no right to be lying where
I was. This (where Alan was to come) was just the one wood in all broad
Scotland that was, by every proper feeling, closed against me; I
admitted that, and yet stayed on, wondering at myself. I thought of the
measure with which I had meted to Catriona that same night; how I had
prated of the two lives I carried, and had thus forced her to enjeopardy
her father's; and how I was here exposing them again, it seemed in
wantonness. A good conscience is eight parts of courage. No sooner had
I lost conceit of my behaviour, than I seemed to stand disarmed amidst a
throng of terrors. Of a sudden I sat up. How if I went now to
Prestongrange, caught him (as I still easily might) before he slept, and
made a full submission? Who could blame me? Not Stewart the Writer; I
had but to say that I was followed, despaired of getting clear, and so
gave in. Not Catriona: here, too, I had my answer ready; that I could
not bear she should expose her father. So, in a moment, I could lay all
these troubles by, which were after all and truly none of mine; swim
clear of the Appin murder; get forth out of hand-stroke of all the
Stewarts and Campbells, all the Whigs and Tories, in the land; and live
thenceforth to my own mind, and be able to enjoy and to improve my
fortunes, and devote some hours of my youth to courting Catr
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