s handsome fashion to carry umbrellas, to wear indiarubber
overshoes, to begin vast works, and to conduct himself in every way as
if he might hope to be eternal. And for my own poor part I should
despise the man who, even on board a sinking ship, should omit to take a
pill or to wind up his watch. That, my friend, would not be the human
attitude."

"I beg pardon, sir," said Mr. Spoker. "But what is precisely the
difference between shaving in a sinking ship and smoking in a powder
magazine?"

"Or doing anything at all in any conceivable circumstances?" cried the
Captain. "Perfectly conclusive; give me a cigar!"

Two minutes afterwards the ship blew up with a glorious detonation.

III

THE TWO MATCHES

One day there was a traveller in the woods in California, in the dry
season, when the trades were blowing strong. He had ridden a long way,
and he was tired and hungry, and dismounted from his horse to smoke a
pipe. But when he felt in his pocket he found but two matches. He struck
the first, and it would not light.

"Here is a pretty state of things!" said the traveller. "Dying for a
smoke; only one match left; and that certain to miss fire! Was there
ever a creature so unfortunate? And yet," thought the traveller,
"suppose I light this match, and smoke my pipe, and shake out the dottle
here in the grass--the grass might catch fire, for it is dry like
tinder; and while I snatch out the flames in front, they might evade and
run behind me, and seize upon yon bush of poison oak; before I could
reach it, that would have blazed up; over the bush I see a pine-tree
hung with moss; that, too, would fly in fire upon the instant to its
topmost bough; and the flame of that long torch--how would the
trade-wind take and brandish that through the inflammable forest! I hear
this dell roar in a moment with the joint voice of wind and fire, I see
myself gallop for my soul, and the flying conflagration chase and
outflank me through the hills; I see this pleasant forest burn for days,
and the cattle roasted, and the springs dried up, and the farmer ruined,
and his children cast upon the world. What a world hangs upon this
moment!"

With that he struck the match, and it missed fire.

"Thank God!" said the traveller, and put his pipe in his pocket.

IV

THE SICK MAN AND THE FIREMAN

There was once a sick man in a burning house, to whom there entered a
fireman.

"Do not save me," said the sick man. "Save those