One day I imagined that the terror they put me into of Hell was only
to intimidate me because I was very bright, and I had a little
archness to which they gave the name of cleverness.

I wished to go to confession without saying anything to any one, but
as I was very small, the mistress of the boarders carried me to
confession and remained with me. They listened to me. She was
astonished to hear that I first accused myself of having thoughts
against the faith, and the confessor beginning to laugh, asked me
what they were. I told him that I had up to now been in doubt about
Hell: that I had imagined my mistress spoke to me of it only to make
me good, but I no longer doubted. After my confession I felt an
indescribable fervor, and even one time I experienced a desire to
endure martyrdom.

I can not help here noting the fault mothers commit who, under
pretext of devotion or occupation, neglect to keep their daughters
with them; for it is not credible that my mother, so virtuous as she
was, would have thus left me, if she had thought there was any harm
in it.

I must also condemn those unjust preferences that they show for one
child over another, which produce division and the ruin of families,
while equality unites the hearts and entertains charity. Why can not
fathers and mothers understand, and all persons who wish to guide
youth, the evil they do, when they neglect the guidance of the
children, when they lose sight of them for a long time and do not
employ them?

* * * * *

You know, O my Love, that the fear of your chastisement has never
made much impression either on my intellect or upon my heart. Fear
of having offended you caused all my grief, and this was such that
it seemed to me, though there should be neither Paradise nor Hell, I
should always have had the same fear of displeasing you. You know
that even after my faults your caresses were a thousand times more
insupportable than your rigors, and I would have a thousand times
chosen Hell rather than displease you.

O God, it was then not for you alone I used to behave well, since I
ceased to do so because they no longer had any consideration for me.

If I had known how to make use of the crucifying conduct that you
maintained over me, I should have made good progress, and,