ple have of begging that a subject may
not be pursued "because it is one on which I feel very deeply." That
is the essence of priggishness, to feel that our reasons are better,
our motives purer, than the reasons of other people, and that we have
the privilege of setting a standard. Conscious superiority is the note
of the prig; and we have the right to dread it.

But the Gospel again is full of precepts in favour of frankness,
outspokenness, letting light shine out, speaking sincerely; only it
must not be done provokingly, condescendingly, solemnly. It is well
for every one to have a friend or friends with whom he can talk quite
unaffectedly about what he cares for and values; and he ought to be
able to say to such a friend, "I cannot talk about these things now; I
am in a dusty, prosaic, grubby mood, and I want to make mud-pies"; the
point is to be natural, and yet to keep a watch upon nature; not to
force her into cramped postures, and yet not to indulge her in rude,
careless, and vulgar postures. It is a bad sign in friendship, if
intimacy seems to a man to give him the right to be rude, coarse,
boisterous, censorious, if he will. He may sometimes be betrayed into
each and all of these things, and be glad of a safety-valve for his
ill-humours, knowing that he will not be permanently misunderstood by
a sympathetic friend. But there must be a discipline in all these
things, and nature must often give way and be broken in; frankness
must not degenerate into boorishness, and liberty must not be the
power of interfering with the liberty of the friend. One must force
oneself to be courteous, interested, sweet-tempered, when one feels
just the contrary; one must keep in sight the principle, and if
violence must be done, it must not be done to the better nature. Least
of all must one deliberately take up the role of exercising influence.
That is a sad snare to many fine natures. One sees a weak, attractive
character, and it seems so tempting to train it up a stick, to fortify
it, to mould it. If one is a professed teacher, one has to try this
sometimes; but even then, the temptation to drive rather than lead
must be strenuously resisted.

I have always a very dark suspicion of people who talk of spheres of
influence, and who enjoy consciously affecting other lives. If this is
done professionally, as a joyful sort of exercise, it is deadly. The
only excuse for it is that one really cares for people and longs to be
of use;