y situation, that of an
oppressor against one's will. In the doctor's office, at my desk, in
the editorial room, in the street, finally in jail, where together
with the Jew I fulfilled the all-Russian prison duty--everywhere I
remained the privileged "Russian," the representative of the sovereign
race, the baron,--without the baronial blazon. And with horror I
noticed that even the eyes of a Jew-friend were dimmed with strange
shadows ... that terrible images surged behind my friendly Russian
shoulders and mingled wholly unsuitable noises and voices with my
sincere plea for "world citizenship." ... And yet he knew me well, he
knew my attitude toward the Jews,--how about those who know only that
I am a "Russian"?

I remember having spent one night in talking with a very gifted
writer, a Jew, who was my casual and most welcome guest. I was trying
to convince him that he, a great master of the word, ought to write,
but he repeated obstinately that although he loves the Russian
language with all his artist's heart, he cannot write in it, in the
language which has the word _zhid_.[1] Of course, logic was on my
side, but on his side there was some dark _truth_--truth is not always
lucid--and I felt, that my ardent arguments began, little by little,
to sound like false and cheap babbling. So that I have not succeeded
in convincing him, and when we parted I had not the courage to kiss
him: how many _unexpected_ meanings could be disclosed in this plain,
everyday token of friendship and affection?

Things are altogether bad when even a kiss becomes suspicious and can
be susceptible of "interpretation," as a complicated act of intricate
and enigmatic relations! That is exactly what happened. And how many
odd and nightmare-like misunderstandings were engendered by the
poisonous mist in which we all wandered, both friends and foes, and in
which the outlines of the plainest objects and feelings assumed the
dismal grotesqueness of phantoms. I cannot help recalling here the
case of E.A. Chirikov, which at the time excited much comment: the
noble and fervent champion of the persecuted race, the author of the
drama "Jews," which has more than any other Russian drama contributed
to the dispersion of the evil prejudice,--this man was suddenly, in a
most absurd manner, without a shadow of foundation, insulted by the
accusation of anti-Semitism; and--to think of it!--it was necessary to
furnish _proofs_ that the accusation was false. What