en begin to talk of the "ilegant costoomes she 'ad 'ad
lately of Lady ----, of the 'ansome silks and furs purchased from the
Countess of ----," &c. It was cunningly and knowingly done.
Immediately, as was intended, my productions began to lose value in my
eyes, in contrast to her gorgeous descriptions. Finally she would
state her price, and by no art or persuasion would she give way a
penny afterwards.

I believe she was given to fits. Anyhow she fell very ill once when
she came, and had to be given brandy to support her. I was afraid she
was going to die in the house, which would have been exceedingly
unpleasant, for it is a heinous breach of gentility to be found mixed
up in any such transactions. We are so foolish, we have such little
minds, we try to hide our doings from our neighbors, who are all going
through the same experiences, and are equally desirous of concealing
them from us. If all our screens were taken away what a comedy of
errors would be disclosed. How surprised we should be to see everyone
committing follies of which we have been so ashamed and so anxious to
hide from the eyes of all!

After all the brandy had a most beneficial effect. I think it must
have flown to her head; for never before had she given such large
amounts. I was quite sorry to find her so well at her next advent. Her
sniff was even more eloquent, and her prices had returned to their
original low level. I regret now that I did not again try the brandy.

Another woman I employed was even uglier than the first. She was so
wholesomely ugly. A great red full moon represented her countenance,
radiant with the color of the Eiffel Tower. She was altogether a more
satisfactory chancellor than the other. She always insisted on your
stating your own price to begin with. "Well, what d'yer think yerself,
mum?" was her invariable ejaculation, and then, hearing your reply,
would break in on whatever you said by "It ain't worth more than
_'arf_ that to me, mum," in the most aggrieved voice. I became used to
her in time, and knowing she would halve whatever I said, used to
demand double the worth of the thing. "What d'yer think yerself, mum?"
You grow so tired of your opinion being thus asked. I wonder how many
times she says it in a day! It is a cautious way of going about it, at
any rate. If that woman ever appeared in a police court on a charge of
dishonesty, and the magistrate asked her what she had to say to the
charge, the answer would undo