t of
convenience and of forgetfulness. He loved me like old men do love, with
frenzy, with degrading transports, and with the prostration of his will
and of his strength.... I held him like in a leash, and did whatever I
liked with him.

"'I was much more manageress than he was manager, and the poor wretch
wasted away in vain hopes and in useless transports; he had not even
touched the tips of my fingers, and was reduced to bestowing his
caresses on my columbine shoes, my tights, and my wigs. And I care not
_that_ for it, you understand! Not the slightest familiarity, and he
began to grow thin over it, fell ill, and almost became idiotic. And
while he implored me, and promised to marry me, with his eyes full of
tears, I shouted with laughter; I reminded him of how he had beaten,
abused, and humiliated me, and had often made me wish for death. And as
soon as he left me, he emptied bottles of gin and whisky, and got so
abominably drunk that he rolled under the table, in order to drown his
sorrow and forget his desire.

"'He covered me with jewels, and tried everything he could to tempt me
to become his wife, and in spite of my inexperience in life, he
consulted me with regard to everything he undertook, and one evening,
after I had stroked his face with my hand, I persuaded him without any
difficulty, to make his will, by which he left me all his savings, and
the circus and everything belonging to it.

"'It was in the middle of winter, near Moscow; it snowed continually,
and one almost burned oneself at the stoves in trying to keep warm.
Rapha Ginestous had had supper brought into the largest van, which was
his, after the performance, and for hours we ate and drank. I was very
nice towards him, and filled his glass every moment; I even sat on his
knee and kissed him. And all his love, and the fumes of the alcohol of
the wine mounted to his head, and gradually made him so helplessly
intoxicated, that he fell from his chair inert, and as if he had been
struck by lightning, without opening his eyes or saying a word.

"'The rest of the troupe were asleep, and the lights were out in all the
little windows, and not a sound was to be heard, while the snow
continued to fall in large flakes. So having put out the petroleum lamp,
I opened the door, and taking the drunkard by the feet, as if he had
been a bale of goods, I threw him out into that white shroud.

"'The next morning the stiff and convulsed body of Rapha Ginestous w