em," said the
husband, "because business will to-morrow call me from home, and
I shall be absent for some days." Upon this, the lady laughing,
said, "Well, then, you must know that in fact I have brought
them, and was diverting myself with them when you came in, but
fearful you might suspect something wrong I hurried them into our
bed-chamber, in order to conceal them till I had tried your
temper, hoping, should you not be in good humour, to find some
means of letting them out undiscovered." It is impossible to
describe the alarm into which the wretched gallants were now
plunged, especially when the husband commanded his wife to bring
them out one by one, saying, "Let each entertain us with a dance
and then recite a story, but if they do not please me, I will
strike off their heads." "Heaven protect us," said the cauzee,
"how can men of our gravity dance? but there is no resisting the
decrees of fate, nor do I see any chance of escape from this
artful baggage and her savage husband but by performing as well
as we can." His companions were of the same opinion, and mustered
what courage they could to act as they should be ordered.

The wife now entered the chamber, and putting a tambourine into
the cauzee's hands, led him out and began to play a merry tune
upon her lute, to which the affrighted magistrate danced with a
thousand antics and grimaces like an old baboon, beating time
with the tambourine, to the great delight of the husband, who
every now and then jeeringly cried out, "Really wife, if I did
not know this fellow was a buffoon, I should take him for our
cauzee; but God forgive me, I know our worthy magistrate is
either at his devotions, or employed in investigating cases for
to-morrow's decision." Upon this the cauzee danced with redoubled
vigour, and more ridiculous gestures, in hopes of evading
discovery. At length he was overpowered by such unusual exercise;
but the husband had no mercy upon his sufferings, and made him
continue capering by threatening the bastinado, till the tired
judge was exhausted, and fainted upon the floor in a bath of
perspiration, when they held him up, and pouring a goblet of wine
down his throat it somewhat revived him. He was now suffered to
breathe a little, and something given him to eat, which, with a
second cup of liquor, recovered his strength. The husband now
demanded his story; and the cauzee, assuming the gesture of a
coffee-house droll, began as follows.