re are various grades of "hollering;" we "holler" often
without a sound, and the child feels it, and "hollers" with many sounds
which are distressing to him and to us.

It is primarily true with babies and young children that "if you want
to have a friend, you must be a friend." If we want courtesy and
kindliness from a child, we must be courteous and kindly to him. Not in
outside ways alone,--a child quickly feels the sham of mere superficial
attention,--but sincerely, with a living interest.

So should we truly, from our inmost selves, meet a child as if he were
of our own age, and as if we were of his age. This sounds like a
paradox, but indeed the one proposition is essential to the other. If
we meet a child only as if he were of our age, our attitude tends to
make him a little prig; if we meet him as if we were as young as he is,
his need for maturer influences produces a lack of balance which we
must both feet; but if we sincerely meet him as if the exchange of age
were mutual, we find common ground and valuable companionship.

This mutual understanding is the basis of all true friendship. Only
read, instead of "age," "habit of mind," "character," "state," and we
have the whole. It is aiming for reciprocal relations, from the best in
us to the best in others, and from the best in others to the best in
ourselves. It is the foundation of all that is strengthening, and
quiet, and happy, in all human intercourse with young and old.

To gain the friendly habit is more difficult with our contemporaries
than it is with children. We have no right to guide older people unless
they want to be guided, and they often want to guide us in ways we do
not like at all. We have no right to try to change their opinions,
unless they ask us for new light; and they often insist upon trying to
change ours whether we ask them or not. There is sure to be selfish
resistance in us when we complain of it in others, and we must
acknowledge it and get free from it before we can give or find the most
helpful sympathy.

A healthy letting people alone, and a good wholesome scouring of
ourselves, will, if it is to come at all, bring open friendliness. If
it is not to come, then the healthy letting people alone should
continue, for it is possible to live in the same house with a wilful
and trying character, and live at peace, if he is lovingly let alone.
If he is unlovingly let alone, the peace will be only on the outside,
and must sooner or l