Constantine, the sceptre
devolved to Romanus the Third; but his labors at home and abroad were
equally feeble and fruitless; and the mature age, the forty-eight
years of Zoe, were less favorable to the hopes of pregnancy than to
the indulgence of pleasure. Her favorite chamberlain was a handsome
Paphlagonian of the name of Michael, whose first trade had been that of
a money-changer; and Romanus, either from gratitude or equity, connived
at their criminal intercourse, or accepted a slight assurance of their
innocence. But Zoe soon justified the Roman maxim, that every adulteress
is capable of poisoning her husband; and the death of Romanus was
instantly followed by the scandalous marriage and elevation of Michael
the Fourth. The expectations of Zoe were, however, disappointed: instead
of a vigorous and grateful lover, she had placed in her bed a miserable
wretch, whose health and reason were impaired by epileptic fits, and
whose conscience was tormented by despair and remorse. The most skilful
physicians of the mind and body were summoned to his aid; and his hopes
were amused by frequent pilgrimages to the baths, and to the tombs of
the most popular saints; the monks applauded his penance, and, except
restitution, (but to whom should he have restored?) Michael sought every
method of expiating his guilt. While he groaned and prayed in sackcloth
and ashes, his brother, the eunuch John, smiled at his remorse, and
enjoyed the harvest of a crime of which himself was the secret and most
guilty author. His administration was only the art of satiating his
avarice, and Zoe became a captive in the palace of her fathers, and in
the hands of her slaves. When he perceived the irretrievable decline
of his brother's health, he introduced his nephew, another Michael, who
derived his surname of Calaphates from his father's occupation in the
careening of vessels: at the command of the eunuch, Zoe adopted for her
son the son of a mechanic; and this fictitious heir was invested with
the title and purple of the Caesars, in the presence of the senate and
clergy. So feeble was the character of Zoe, that she was oppressed
by the liberty and power which she recovered by the death of the
Paphlagonian; and at the end of four days, she placed the crown on the
head of Michael the Fifth, who had protested, with tears and oaths, that
he should ever reign the first and most obedient of her subjects.

The only act of his short reign was his base ingrati