* *

From a letter to _The Daily Mail_:--

"One of our greatest poets was an apothecary's assistant, but
his 'Ode to a Skylark' is eternal."

Hail to thee, blithe SHELLEY!
KEATS thou never wert.

* * * * *

From a letter to _The Market Mail_:--

"I enclose my card and remains.--Yours truly, VICTIM."

We advise our contemporary to return the body.

* * * * *

THE INQUISITION.

LETTER I.

_Julius Pitherby, Esq., to myself._

DEAR SIR,--Henry Anderson, who is an applicant for my temporarily
vacant situation as working gardener, assistant hedger and ditcher and
superintending odd man (single-handed), has referred me to you as
to his character and qualifications, stating that he was in your
employment--I gather some nine years ago--for a time. You will
therefore, I trust, forgive me if I take the liberty of asking you to
be good enough to answer the following questions concerning him and
his wife. He calls himself twenty-five, married, with no family.

(1) _Was_ he in your employment?

(2) When?

(3) Is he twenty-five?

(4) Is he married?

(5) Has he no family?

(6) Is he _strictly_ sober? (These words are to be taken quite
literally.)

(7) His wife ditto?

(8) Is he decent and morally respectable, careful in his habits and
guarded in his language?

(9) His wife ditto?

(10) Is he honest and reliable?

(11) His wife ditto, and _not one to answer back_?

(12) Are they both used to the country, contented in their sphere,
interested in rural surroundings, fond of children, fond of animals,
fond of fruit?

(13) Is he strong and healthy, neither shortsighted nor deaf? (I have
suffered much from both.)

(14) His wife ditto, _and always tidy_?

(15) Does he stammer? (I have been greatly inconvenienced by this.)

(16) His wife ditto?

(17) Does he squint? (This has often been a trial to me.)

(18) His wife ditto?

(19) Is he active, industrious, enthusiastic and an early riser,
good-natured, equable and obliging?

(20) His wife ditto, and _no gossip_?

(21) Is he a heavy smoker?

(22) His wife ditto?

(23) Is he well up to the culture of vegetables, the upraising of
flowers and the education of fruit, both outside and under glass?

(24) Is he capable of feeding hens, driving a motor, overhauling a
pianola, carving or waiting at table if required?

(25) To what Church do they belong? Wh