Patrick's Day, Ash Wednesday and sixteen Sundays, so that,
by the time he has deducted the interest, what's coming to me looks like
a Jaeger undershirt after its first interview with an African
_blanchisseuse_. That's the kind of thing the poet had in mind when he
wrote--"I know a bank whereon the wild thyme grows."

I have observed that one's reception at a bank varies somewhat with the
condition of the money market. Go in when money is easy and the
President falls on your neck, calls you by your first name, and
cheerfully loans you large sums on your "Balloon Common" and your "Smoke
Preferred," and you go on your way rejoicing. The next day, news having
arrived that a Gordon Highlander has strained a tendon in his leg while
sprinting away from a Dutchman near Ladysmith, or an Irish lady _chef_
has sent home two pounds sterling to her family, money goes up to one
hundred and eighty per cent. a minute, and you get a note requesting you
to remove your "Balloon Common" and your "Smoke Preferred" and
substitute Government Bonds therefor. And still you wonder at crime.

But if you really want to know the meaning of the terms "Marble Heart"
and "Icy Eye" go into one of these refrigerating plants for a loan when
money is tight. It is prudent at such times to wear ear-muffs and red
mittens fastened together by tape so they can't be lost, for you will
need 'em.

As soon as you reach the outer air--which will be in about a second--run
home and plunge the extremities in hot water, and place a porous plaster
on what remains of your self-esteem.

Bankers are too prone to judge a man by his appearance, so that the very
men who need the money most have the hardest work to get it. They are
apt, especially at the City Bank, to discriminate against the "feller"
who looks rocky, in favor of the Rockafeller. Clothes do not make the
man! If they did, Hetty Green wouldn't be where she is and Russell Sage
would be in the Old Ladies' Home. If Uncle Russell had to travel on his
shape, he never would see much of the world. Yet, beneath that ragged
coat there beats a heart which as a beater can't be beat--a heart as
true (so the Standard Gas people say)--as true as "steal."

But after all, Banks and Trust Companies do a lot of good in a quiet
way, especially to their directors--in a quiet way. See what a
convenience some of our Trust Companies have been to their directors of
late. It would sometimes be mortifying for these directors to have