Our transport and the dock looked as if they had a huge swarm of
yellow bees hanging over everything. The bees were soldiers. The
most profound emotion I ever had--except the one when you told me
you loved me--came over me as the big boat swung free of the
dock--of the good old U.S., of home. I wanted to jump off and swim
through the eddying green water to the piles and hide in them till
the boat had gone. As we backed out, pulled up tugs, and got started
down the river, my thrills increased, until we passed the Statue of
Liberty--and then I couldn't tell how I felt. One thing, I could not
see very well.... I gazed beyond the colossal statue that France
gave to the U.S.--'way across the water and the ships and the docks
toward the West that I was leaving. Feeling like mine then only
comes once to a man in his life. First I seemed to see all the vast
space, the farms, valleys, woods, deserts, rivers, and mountains
between me and my golden wheat-hills. Then I saw my home, and it was
as if I had a magnificent photograph before my very eyes. A sudden
rush of tears blinded me. Such a storm of sweetness, regret, memory!
Then at last you--_you_ as you stood before me last, the very
loveliest girl in all the world. My heart almost burst, and in the
wild, sick pain of the moment I had a strange, comforting flash of
thought that a man who could leave you must be impelled by something
great in store for him. I feel that. I told you once. To laugh at
death! That is what I shall do. But perhaps that is not the great
experience which will come to me.

I saw the sun set in the sea, 'way back toward the western horizon,
where the thin, dark line that was land disappeared in the red glow.
The wind blows hard. The water is rough, dark gray, and cold. I like
the taste of the spray. Our boat rolls heavily and many boys are
already sick. I do not imagine the motion will affect me. It is
stuffy below-deck. I'll spend what time I can above, where I can see
and feel. It was dark just now when I came below. And as I looked
out into the windy darkness and strife I was struck by the
strangeness of the sea and how it seemed to be like my soul. For a
long time I have been looking into my soul, and I find such
ceaseless strife, such dark, unlit depths, such chaos. These
thoughts and emotions, always with me, keep