mself then give something to H
H the pope for a penance I wonder was he satisfied with me one thing I
didnt like his slapping me behind going away so familiarly in the hall
though I laughed Im not a horse or an ass am I I suppose he was thinking
of his fathers I wonder is he awake thinking of me or dreaming am I in
it who gave him that flower he said he bought he smelt of some kind of
drink not whisky or stout or perhaps the sweety kind of paste they stick
their bills up with some liqueur Id like to sip those richlooking green
and yellow expensive drinks those stagedoor johnnies drink with the
opera hats I tasted once with my finger dipped out of that American that
had the squirrel talking stamps with father he had all he could do to
keep himself from falling asleep after the last time after we took the
port and potted meat it had a fine salty taste yes because I felt lovely
and tired myself and fell asleep as sound as a top the moment I popped
straight into bed till that thunder woke me up God be merciful to us
I thought the heavens were coming down about us to punish us when I
blessed myself and said a Hail Mary like those awful thunderbolts in
Gibraltar as if the world was coming to an end and then they come and
tell you theres no God what could you do if it was running and rushing
about nothing only make an act of contrition the candle I lit that
evening in Whitefriars street chapel for the month of May see it brought
its luck though hed scoff if he heard because he never goes to church
mass or meeting he says your soul you have no soul inside only grey
matter because he doesnt know what it is to have one yes when I lit the
lamp because he must have come 3 or 4 times with that tremendous big red
brute of a thing he has I thought the vein or whatever the dickens they
call it was going to burst though his nose is not so big after I took
off all my things with the blinds down after my hours dressing and
perfuming and combing it like iron or some kind of a thick crowbar
standing all the time he must have eaten oysters I think a few dozen he
was in great singing voice no I never in all my life felt anyone had
one the size of that to make you feel full up he must have eaten a whole
sheep after whats the idea making us like that with a big hole in the
middle of us or like a Stallion driving it up into you because thats all
they want out of you with that determined vicious look in his eye I had
to halfshut my eyes still he ha