by saying that Thornton would give his
inaugural address, and that afterwards the historic ceremonies of the
Hedonists would be performed.

A man with a voice which was a mixture of a street hawker's and a
parish clerk's stood up and chanted, "I call upon Mr. Edward Noel
Kenneth Thornton to put on the purple presidential cap and to deliver
his inaugural address to this ancient and historic Society." The cap,
which had a long black tassel, was then handed to Thornton, and he put
it on amidst tremendous applause. It made him look more ridiculous
than ever, but he seemed to be perfectly calm when he got up and bowed
solemnly in every direction.

"Mr. Ex-Presidents and fellow-members of this justly-celebrated
Hedonist Society," he began, and every word he said could be heard
plainly, "we are here to-night in obedience to custom and in pursuit of
pleasure. Custom is one thing and pleasure is another, but we are
fortunate in belonging to a Society which makes its customs pleasant,
and which has such skilled hands to guide its pleasures that the word
customary fails entirely to describe them." He paused for a moment,
and a man near me asked what he was talking about, but Webb answered
quickly that he was a hopeless madman, and that the ceremonies would be
the real joke. "That I, a freshman," he continued, "should be elected
President of this Society fills me with gratitude and even dismay, for
I fear that the duties of so distinguished an office will be but
inadequately performed during the coming year." Loud cries of "No"
followed this remark, and he went on, "You are good enough to disagree
with me, and perhaps the ceremonies connected with my office may help
me to fulfil my duties. I will tell you what those ceremonies are."
Dennison tried to stop him, but he was speaking quickly and took no
notice of the interruption. "After my address has been given I put on
my robes of office and ride on a mule from here to St. Cuthbert's; I am
to be accompanied by the band of the Society, and attended by six men
who will carry syphons of Apollinaris water and prevent my robes from
being soiled by the dust of the streets. Had I known before I came
here that so much honour was about to be showered upon me I do not
think that I should have considered myself worthy of being your
President. I forgot to say that I am provided with an umbrella." I
looked at Dennison, and he did not seem to be feeling very comfortable;
Thornton, h