cious, and uninfluenced by my wishes, unless
they tallied with his own. I felt at this time as if I could have been
fond of him too, if he would have let me; but I was timid from my
childhood, and before long my dread of his displeasure (coming down
like thunder into the midst of his love, for such slight causes as a
hesitation in reply, a wrong word, or a sigh for my father), conquered
my humorous inclination to love one who was so handsome, so
accomplished, so indulgent and devoted. But if I could not please him
when indeed I loved him, you may imagine how often I did wrong when I
was so much afraid of him as to quietly avoid his company for fear of
his outbursts of passion. One thing I remember noticing, that the more
M. de la Tourelle was displeased with me, the more Lefebvre seemed to
chuckle; and when I was restored to favour, sometimes on as sudden an
impulse as that which occasioned my disgrace, Lefebvre would look
askance at me with his cold, malicious eyes, and once or twice at such
times he spoke most disrespectfully to M. de la Tourelle.

I have almost forgotten to say that, in the early days of my life at
Les Rochers, M. de la Tourelle, in contemptuous indulgent pity at my
weakness in disliking the dreary grandeur of the salon, wrote up to the
milliner in Paris from whom my corbeille de mariage had come, to desire
her to look out for me a maid of middle age, experienced in the
toilette, and with so much refinement that she might on occasion serve
as companion to me.

Portion 2

A Norman woman, Amante by name, was sent to Les Rochers by the Paris
milliner, to become my maid. She was tall and handsome, though upwards
of forty, and somewhat gaunt. But, on first seeing her, I liked her;
she was neither rude nor familiar in her manners, and had a pleasant
look of straightforwardness about her that I had missed in all the
inhabitants of the chateau, and had foolishly set down in my own mind
as a national want. Amante was directed by M. de la Tourelle to sit in
my boudoir, and to be always within call. He also gave her many
instructions as to her duties in matters which, perhaps, strictly
belonged to my department of management. But I was young and
inexperienced, and thankful to be spared any responsibility.

I daresay it was true what M. de la Tourelle said--before many weeks
had elapsed--that, for a great lady, a lady of a castle, I became sadly
too familiar with my Norman waiting-maid. But you know