H----, if the effort of writing to
me is too painful to you, do not do it. I give you a most
disinterested counsel, for I have told you more than once how much
I prize your letters, and you know it is true. Still, I do not
think my "wish is father to my thought" when I say that I think it
is not good for you to lose entirely even such an interest as I am
to you. I say "even such an interest," because I believe your
trouble must have rendered me and my pursuits, for the present at
least, less likely than they have been to occupy a place in your
thoughts. But 'tis for you to decide; if my letters weary or annoy
you, tell me so, dear H----, and I will not write to you until you
can "follow my paces" better. If you do not like to make the
exertion of answering me, I will still continue to let you know my
proceedings, and take it for granted that you will not cease to
love me and think of me. Dear H----, I shall see you this summer
again; you, and yours, whom I love for your sake. I shall go on
with this letter, because if you are inclined for a gossip you can
read it; and if not, it may perhaps amuse your invalid. I have been
uncommonly gay, for me, this winter, and I dare say shall continue
to be so, as it does not disagree with me, and I am so fond of
dancing that a quadrille renders palatable what otherwise would be,
I think, disagreeable enough--the manner in which society is now
organized. I was at a very large party the other night, at the poet
Campbell's, where every material for a delightful evening--good
rooms, pretty women, clever men--was brought into requisition to
make what, after all, appeared to me nothing but a wearisome, hot
crowd. The apartments were overfilled: to converse with anybody for
five minutes was impossible. If one stood up one was squeezed to
death, and if one sat down one was stifled. I, too (who was the
small lioness of the evening), was subjected to a most disagreeable
ordeal, the whole night being stared at from head to foot by every
one that could pass within staring distance of me. You probably
will wonder at this circumstance distressing a young person who
three times a week exhibits herself on the stage to several hundred
people, but there I do not distinguish the individual eyes that are
fixed on me, and my mind is