BERTRAM.

Dunning rang me up an hour ago, and I went down to him. The discovery
wasn't clinched till this afternoon----

PHILIP.

The discovery?

BERTRAM.

[_Derisively._] Ho! This precious book of yours--"The Big Drum"! A
grand success, Mackworth!

PHILIP.

[_Perplexed._] I don't----

BERTRAM.

"The Big Drum"! Wouldn't "The Big Fraud" be a more suitable title, I
mean t'say?

PHILIP.

Fraud?

BERTRAM.

Reached its twenty-fifth thousand, and the demand still continues! You
and Mr. what's-his-name--Titterton--ought to be publicly exposed,
Mackworth; and if we were in the least spiteful and vindictive----

PHILIP.

[_Tightening his lips._] Are you sober, Filson?

BERTRAM.

Now, don't you be insolent, because it won't answer. [PHILIP _winces,
but restrains himself._] The question is, what are we to do
_to-night_--for Ottoline's sake, I mean t'say. We must spare her as
much shock and distress as possible. I assume you've sufficient decency
left to agree with me there. My father and mother too--they're quite
ignorant of the steps I've been taking----

PHILIP.

[_Controlling himself with difficulty._] My good fellow, will you
condescend to explain----?

BERTRAM.

[_Walking away._] Oh, it's no use, Mackworth--this air of innocence!
[_Puffing himself out and strutting to and fro on the left._] It's
simply wasted effort, I mean t'say. In five minutes I can have Dunning
here with the whole disreputable story. He's close by--bottom of
Chancery Lane. He'll be at his office till half-past-eleven----

PHILIP.

[_Between his teeth--thrusting his hands into his trouser-pockets._]
Very accommodating of him!

BERTRAM.

I tried to get on to my father from Dunning's--to ask his advice, I
mean t'say--but he'd dressed early and gone to one of his clubs, and
they couldn't tell me which one. [_Halting and looking at his watch._]
_My_ suggestion is that you and I should struggle through this farce of
a dinner as best we can--as if nothing had happened. I mean t'say--and
that I should reserve the disclosure of your caddish conduct till
to-m