* * *

I was contending that the joy of smoking increases harmonically with the
weight of tobacco consumed, within reasonable limits. Of course the
incessant smoker who is puffing all day long sears his tongue and grows
callous to the true delicacy of the flavour. For that reason it is best
not to smoke during office hours. This may be a hard saying to some, but
a proper respect for the art impels it. Not even the highest ecclesiast
can be at his devotions always. It is not those who are horny with
genuflection who are nearest the Throne of Grace. Even the Pope (I speak
in all reverence) must play billiards or trip a coranto now and then!

This is the schedule I vouch for:

After breakfast: 2 pipes

At luncheon: 2 pipes

Before dinner: 2 pipes

Between dinner and bed: 10 to 12 pipes

(Cigars and cigarettes as occasion may require.)

The matter of smoking after dinner requires consideration. If your meal
is a heavy, stupefying anodyne, retracting all the humane energies from
the skull in a forced abdominal mobilization to quell a plethora of food
into subjection and assimilation, there is no power of speculation left
in the top storeys. You sink brutishly into an armchair, warm your legs
at the fire, and let the leucocytes and phagocytes fight it out. At such
times smoking becomes purely mechanical. You imbibe and exhale the fumes
automatically. The choicest aromatic blends are mere fuel. Your eyes
see, but your brain responds not. The vital juices, generous currents,
or whatever they are that animate the intelligence, are down below
hatches fighting furiously to annex and drill into submission the alien
and distracting mass of food that you have taken on board. They are like
stevedores, stowing the cargo for portability. A little later, however,
when this excellent work is accomplished, the bosun may trill his
whistle, and the deck hands can be summoned back to the navigating
bridge. The mind casts off its corporeal hawsers and puts out to sea.
You begin once more to live as a rational composition of reason,
emotion, and will. The heavy dinner postpones and stultifies this
desirable state. Let it then be said that light dining is best: a little
fish or cutlets, white wine, macaroni and cheese, ice cream and coffee.
Such a regime restores the animal health, and puts you in vein for a
continuance of intellect.

Smoking is properly an intellectual exercise. It calls forth the
choicest qualities of m