account of----" ("I know," said Major Pendennis, with a bow) "I was
a wild romantic child, my head was full of novels which I'd read at
school--I listened to his wild stories and adventures, for he was a
daring fellow, and I thought he talked beautifully of those calm nights
on the passage out, when he used to----. Well, I married him, and I was
wretched from that day--wretched with my father, whose character you
know, Major Pendennis, and I won't speak of: but he wasn't a good man,
sir,--neither to my poor mother, nor to me, except that he left me his
money,--nor to no one else that I ever heard of: and he didn't do many
kind actions in his lifetime, I'm afraid. And as for Amory, he was
almost worse; he was a spendthrift when my father was close: he drank
dreadfully, and was furious when in that way. He wasn't in any way a
good or a faithful husband to me, Major Pendennis, and if he'd died in
the gaol before this trial, instead of afterwards he would have saved
me a deal of shame and of unhappiness since, sir." Lady Clavering added:
"For perhaps I should not have married at all if I had not been so
anxious to change his horrid name, and I have not been happy in my
second husband, as I suppose you know, sir. Ah, Major Pendennis, I've
got money to be sure, and I'm a lady, and people fancy I'm very happy,
but I ain't. We all have our cares, and griefs, and troubles: and many's
the day that I sit down to one of my grand dinners with an aching heart,
and many a night do I lay awake on my fine bed a great deal more unhappy
than the maid that makes for it. I'm not a happy woman, Major, for all
the world says; and envies the Begum her diamonds, and carriages, and
the great company that comes to my house. I'm not happy in my husband;
I'm not in my daughter. She ain't a good girl like that dear Laura Bell
at Fairoaks. She's cost me many a tear though you don't see 'em; and she
sneers at her mother because I haven't had learning and that. How should
I? I was brought up amongst natives till I was twelve, and went back to
India when I was fourteen. Ah, Major, I should have been a good woman if
I had had a good husband. And now I must go upstairs and wipe my eyes,
for they're red with cryin. And Lady Rockminster's a comin, and we're
goin to ave a drive in the Park. And when Lady Rockminster made
her appearance, there was not a trace of tears or vexation on Lady
Clavering's face, but she was full of spirits, and bounced out with
her bl